My husband strolled into the bedroom after getting home from the gym, sweat seeping into his shirt.
I had a twinge of jealousy, because I was stuck in bed with muscle aches, a low fever, a headache and sore throat.
He asked how I was feeling and I told him pretty crappy.
“That sucks,” he said. “Well, listen. You know that trainer I told you about? Arkief?”
I thought about the stories he’d told me about the police officer who was also a trainer at his gym.
“He’s started personal training sessions at the Blacksburg Pilates studio and he knows about your health issues. I think you should start training with him. He thinks it could be a good fit.”
I cocked my head, took a deep breath as my face turned tomato red and said, “I can barely walk around the block. I just started treatments for my autoimmune disease and the only thing I have energy for is working. And, now you expect me to start working out. ARE. YOU. SERIOUS?”
He gulped and took a step back, but I was livid at the suggestion.
How dare my husband say I need personal training!
I’d been in bed off and on for months and months, barely leaving the house because my immune system was so weak. I’d only been getting treatments for my autoimmune disease for a few months and was just easing back into the real world.
And he was suggesting that I pick back up with regular exercise.
His intentions were good. He’d talked to Arkief about my chronic health issues and Arkief had explained the healing nature of pilates and how it could help with my insomnia and pain. But, my husband didn’t go about things in the best way.
I might’ve given him the Paris Geller “evil eye” for the rest of the day.
It took about three months for me to decide that it was MY decision to try pilates and ask my husband for Arkief’s phone number.
I’m currently going twice a week to personal training sessions, love it and have lost six pounds in the process.
It’s my favorite way to exercise, Arkief is an amazing personal trainer and I’m so glad that I gave it a shot.
But it had to become my idea for me to do it.
That’s what it’s like to be married to a Rebel.
When I say Rebel, I mean one of the four tendencies that Gretchen Rubin explains in her book, The Four Tendencies.
The four tendencies are personality profiles that reveal how you deal with expectations, productivity/procrastination and other people.
Signs you’re a Rebel (mostly comes from The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin):
- You want to do what you want to do when you want to do it.
- If someone tells you what to do, it makes you want to do it a lot less.
- You don’t even like telling yourself what to do.
- Your best days are the ones when you get to wake up and say, “What do I feel like doing today?”
- You resist control and enjoy thwarting expectations and rules.
- You aren’t often persuaded when someone says something like, “But you’ve already paid for it.” or “It should be this way.” or “You said you’d do it.”
- You value choice and will even choose something that isn’t in your best interest just to show that you can make that choice.
- You’ll work hard if you’re doing something you want to do.
- If someone dares you to do something, it’s on.
- You’ve got an “I’ll show you” mentality.
- You don’t mind going against customs or conventions.
- You value authenticity.
- You value freedom.
- You want to come up with your own way of doing things.
- You hate doing repetitive, boring tasks.
- You don’t like being labeled, even if it’s an accurate label.
- You don’t really care what others think of you and don’t mind being seen as different.
- You often think outside of the box.
Do you relate to this “you’re not the boss of me” Rebel mentality?
I’m with you and it’s as hard as Hades being a Rebel.
With every other tendency, there are very clear ways to get sh*t done.
If you’re a Rebel, it’s much more vague.
That’s why I’m writing this blog post. I want to help all the other Rebels out there by sharing what I’ve learned. (I’d also love for all of you Rebels to share your experiences and tips in the comments of this post so that we can all give each other a bit of encouragement. Who’s up for a round of virtual high fives?)
Getting Sh*t Done
1. Rebels like fun.
I used to have a love-hate relationship with live calls.
I relish live calls, because answering questions in a live call format is my jam and interacting with my favorite customers in that setting is something I could do every day.
It’s my absolute favorite way to hang out with the women I work with. For me, two hours flies by so quickly. I’m always surprised when we reach the end, because it never feels like it’s been that long.
The hate part comes from getting “video ready.”
I’m so pale that my family calls me a vampire and I don’t feel comfortable on video unless I’ve done my hair and makeup. I believe it’s professional to look your best and it makes me feel confident.
It’s a problem that there was hate attached to live calls, because my main offering is built around live calls. So, I made getting ready more fun by: listening to audiobooks or watching a tv show while doing my hair and makeup, investing in more makeup options, experimenting with my hair and lessening the time it takes me to get ready.
Now, we have anywhere from two to three live calls every week for Sunday Society. That means I have to get video ready two to three days a week. The only way I was able to get myself to do that was through making it fun.
I love picking out my next audiobook. I get giddy about scrolling through Sephora and deciding on my next eyeshadow palette. I get a kick out of pinning hairstyles on Pinterest.
I enjoy the process so much more.
The first tip to getting more done is to make it fun. This helps anyone, but it’s especially crucial for Rebels.
If you really want to cross something off your list or achieve a goal, make it enjoyable. Think of every way possible to make it more fun. It might take more time or money to get the goal accomplished but you probably wouldn’t have achieved the goal if you didn’t invest the time or money!
Think about the goal you’re trying to accomplish right now that’s evading you.
What are three ways you can make it more fun? I bet if you add those three things you’ll be much more likely to achieve your goal.
2. The second tip is to lock onto your values and return to them often.
Another reason I decided to swallow my pride and start pilates personal training was that one of my top values is health.
I know what it’s like to lose your health and I’ve promised myself that I will make choices to be the healthiest I can be with the autoimmune issues I have.
That meant going back to my husband and asking him questions about Arkief and pilates and apologizing for being so harsh when he brought it up.
As a Rebel, that was about as painful as stabbing myself in the thigh with a blunt pencil. But, I was able to do it because I value my health more than I value punishing my husband for bringing something up at the wrong time.
One huge positive about rebels is that they’re authentic and want to live their lives according to what they value.
So, let’s say that one of the reasons you started your own business is because you wanted to be able to employ others and give them jobs they love.
Each time you find yourself procrastinating, come back to that value and remind yourself that in order to keep employing those people, you have to do your job. And, if you want to employ more people, you have to grow and make more money.
That should give you the oomph to get past the rebelness that doesn’t want to check off another to-do from your list.
3. Get rid of repetitive tasks.
The best decision I made last year that made me more productive than anything else was hiring cleaners to clean our house once per week.
We have three hundred-pound labs that I knew would be all up in their business and get very excited (read: bark like deranged monsters) when new humans enter the house, so I knew it would be a challenge to find the right cleaners for our home.
Thank goodness I hunted them down and they love dogs.
One thing that Rebels hate are repetitive, boring tasks. (Maybe that’s why I dislike blow drying my hair and putting on makeup?)
They put those types of tasks off until they absolutely have to do them.
Thinking about cleaning, putting off cleaning, and cleaning took up waaaaaaaay too much of my time, especially thinking about having to clean and wondering what I could get away with not doing.
If you’re a Rebel, I bet there are some repetitive tasks that are getting in your way of getting BIG things done.
The third tip is to take these tasks and hire them out, batch them or decrease them as much as possible.
4. If you’re having trouble meeting deadlines, pair up with an Obliger.
When Rebels become entrepreneurs, they struggle with telling themselves what to do. When they pair up with an Obliger, that person often makes sure that essential things get done.
“Just as they often pair with Obligers, Rebels often pair with family members as work partners–perhaps because a relative has more understanding, experience, and tolerance for the Rebel.” -Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies
What to Tell Other People
When you work with other people, you need to let them know the best way to work with you.
If it’s someone you’re bringing onto your team or partnering with, have them take the four tendencies quiz so that you know what tendency they are and you can explain your tendency to them.
1. Let them know that flat out telling you what to do will have the opposite effect and instead, they should: explain how it’s going to be fun, how it relates back to your why/values, and/or why it’s important to them.
2. If there’s something someone needs to speak to you about that’s more serious, the best way to go about it according to Gretchen Rubin is to: give you the information, tell you the consequences, and give you a choice.
They shouldn’t lecture you or hover over you. It should be simple and to the point.
3. Rebels respond well to games, challenges and choices.
If someone wants to inspire you, they could turn something into a challenge or game. Let your friends, family and colleagues know this. Give them an example or two.
For instance, if your friend is disappointed because you haven’t been finishing the books for your monthly book club, she could turn it into a challenge by saying that whoever finishes first buys the other dinner.
As a Rebel, that will prompt you to want to show her up.
Being a Rebel has its downsides.
We’re not the easiest people to get along with and we have to work hard to be super productive, but we’re also passionate and creative and authentic.
My husband has never understood why I can’t “pretend” to like someone when I don’t. If we’re at an event and speaking to someone I don’t care for, it often shows on my face.
I’m not rude, but I can’t hide my feelings.
I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just part of who I am. I believe it’s part of being a Rebel.
We’re genuine people who don’t enjoy hiding who we are or how we feel.
This can work in your favor if you love what you do. You can’t hide that either.
Keep coming back to that when your Rebel personality is giving you hell and pushing you to procrastinate. Remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. Connect to your values and feelings.