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Blacksburg Belle

Must Read for Perfectionists (a.k.a. the Monica Gellers and Hermione Grangers of the World)

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Should you publish your blog post even though you might not have caught every error or wait until you can read through it another 17 times?

Should you launch your website even though you designed it yourself (and…gasp!…you’re not a designer) because you’re brand new to business and you can’t afford a designer or wait until you save $6000 to afford your dream designer?

Should you start an Instagram account if your photos aren’t up to the level of a professional photographer or wait until you can take a few photography courses and get a DSLR camera?

Is it okay to sometimes put out or even strive for B or B- (instead of A) work?

This is something I haven’t stopped thinking about since listening to a conversation between Amy Porterfield and Jon Acuff where they briefly chatted about this on Amy’s podcast, Online Marketing Made Easy (here’s the specific episode if you want to give it a listen–highly recommend!).

I’ve always been of the mindset that you should put out your best work…ALWAYS. But, I follow that up with the idea that it means YOUR best work…not someone else’s standard.

What’s the point of publishing a book if you’re just going to give it most of your effort but not all?

Or, what’s the point of creating a painting that you phone in?

Even though I believe this, the idea of putting out “B” work is genius for a specific group of people: perfectionists.

(Hello, my name is April and I’m a recovering perfectionist. I could tell you some stories that would make you think I have major Paris Geller problems. Such as how I went to my Dean when I received my only B in grad school at NYU–every other grade I got was an A–to demand my grade be changed to an A.)

This “striving for B work” idea serves perfectionists because they never, ever think something is good enough.

I know creatives who’ve come up with brilliant blog post ideas but didn’t write them because they might not turn out perfect or as good as “so-and-so’s” blog posts.

I know creatives who have blog posts sitting on their hard drives that they never posted because after the nineteenth round of editing they still didn’t think they were up to snuff. (Oh yeah…you know who you are. I’m pointing my finger directly at you.)

I’ve worked with entrepreneurs who’ve thought about selling “x” for YEARS, but they haven’t done it.

Why? They couldn’t do it perfectly.

They couldn’t hire a website designer to put together the perfect website, they didn’t know everything there was to know about Etsy, they didn’t know how to take professional photos of their products, and they didn’t know how to write the perfect sales page.

And, guess what has happened?

Life has gone on and these people have missed chance after chance after chance. Possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars. Possibly connections that could’ve led to a book deal or a deal for a fabric line or getting their stationery into Anthropologie or teaching at CreativeLive or leaving that day job they despise.

Perfectionists live in fear.

They delete their photos instead of posting them on Instagram. They talk themselves out of doing a Facebook Live because they’re terrified people won’t join, or there will be awkward silences or they’ll stumble over their words (also known as being human and learning). They delete their helpful and entertaining video footage instead of creating a video for YouTube.

Fear is ruling their ability to create and share what they create.

If you fall into this group of people who constantly questions themselves and never shows their work because “it’s never good enough” and always talks themselves out of trying creative things because it won’t be perfect, this idea is for YOU.

Aim to put out “B” work.

This takes the pressure off of having to perfect things before you share them with the world. It gives you permission to publish that blog post that might have an error that you missed even though you went through five rounds of editing.

When you find yourself falling into the perfectionist trap, come back to this thought process and tell yourself that you’re going for a “B” today–not an “A.”

Now, being a perfectionist in recovery, I know how hard this is to actually do.

You want that “A” sooooooooooooo damn bad. It’s hard to let go.

It’s a muscle you build up. The more you do it, the easier it gets to stop carrying such a hard load on your shoulders and letting go of the little stuff.

We’re human.

We all make mistakes and almost all of us (except that loser at his keyboard wearing dirty underwear and spilling Cheetos on himself who’s waiting to hate on anybody) overlook mistakes, because we make them, too.

Remind yourself that you’re doing your best and if you don’t want to have regrets ten years from now, start sharing that “B” work!

Thank you to Amy Porterfield and Jon Acuff for starting this conversation and giving me the inspiration for this blog post!

Are you a perfectionist in recovery? Has this been holding you back from sharing any of your work or trying anything new like Instagram Live? Let’s chat about it in the comments below.

3 Self-Care Habits to Adopt to Change Your Life (No Candles Included)

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Today I’m going to pull you out of your comfy little cocoon that you’ve created behind your cell phone wherever you’re reading this.

We’re going to bulldoze straight into the super hard topics.

You know, the ones you always try to sidestep, especially when nosy yet well-meaning family members, like Aunt Nancy, ask you how you’re doing.

No more burrowing under your false, “Oh, I’m fines” even though you squint your eyes when you check your bank account hoping that it magically grew and you avoid the scale because you devoured about 274 Christmas cookies last month (you might’ve eaten your holiday feelings) and you still haven’t run your numbers from last year because you’re realllllllllly afraid your business didn’t make a profit.

Or, you’ve never actually “run your numbers” because your personal and business accounts are actually…cough…mixed together and you don’t know how to figure out how much you made in your business last year.

Instead of continuing down this self-destructive path of “if I don’t pay attention maybe my life won’t blow up,” how about we figure out three serious self-care habits that will change your life in 2018?

And, I don’t mean lighting a candle each day.

I love candles as much as the next gal. (My favorite at the moment happens to be the Moroccan Amber scent by Nest. Oh my goodness…I wish I could bathe in that stuff.)

But, that’s not really taking care of yourself.

You need to do more than light a damn candle and try to meditate for five minutes a few times a week.

Three things that are a must for true self-care are: 1) getting right with money 2) paying attention to your body and 3) connecting and spending time with the right people.

Let’s break these down a bit further and turn each category into a specific habit you can create this year:

1. Getting Right with Money

When you read this, what were your first thoughts?

Did you cringe and think about your overdue bills? Did you high-five yourself because you think you’ve got it all figured out? Did you admit to yourself that you have a lot of work to do in this area even though it hurt to do so?

Before you move on, take a few minutes to think about money and your current relationship with it.

How did you get here? Has your spouse had a big influence on your relationship with money? Do you have the same relationship with money that your parents did when you were growing up? Have you created a relationship with money based on your favorite movie…Clueless?

Is your relationship mostly negative or positive?

Do you think negatively or positively about people who have lots of money? When you hear the phrase “rich people,” what do you think? Do you automatically assume those people are bad? Do you want to be one of those people? If you have negative thoughts about “rich people,” how are you ever going to become one of those people?

One way to improve your relationship with money today is to remind yourself that there are amazing people who have lots of money and crummy people who have lots of money just like there are amazing people who are broke and crummy people who are broke.

And, as you make more money, you have more power. That’s the truth.

You can change the world with money.

Plus, you need it to purchase the supplies for your business, to run your website, to hire a virtual assistant, to hire someone to clean your house so you can create more products or serve more people, to pay your mortgage, to feed your kids and your two golden retrievers, Bigfoot and Thor, to dress yourself, etc.

To make this money, you have to get right with money.

This means tackling your money issues.

If you’d like to join us, we’re focusing on this topic in Sunday Society this month. We’ve got a two-hour live call dedicated to this topic on January 26th. To join the call live or access the replay, just sign up for the membership program right here.

During this call you will learn so much about your own personal money issues and how to declutter them. (P.S. I’m closing Sunday Society membership within the next month, so if you want to join us before that happens…it’s time to make a choice!)

In the meantime or if you decide not to join, I’ve got a habit for you that will help you get right with money in 2018.

As you wrap up your work at the end of each day, jot down the following things in your planner or a separate notebook: how much money came in (especially if you have a business), how much money went out (out of your personal and business account), and one thing you’re grateful for that money has given you that day.

The one thing you’re grateful for could be something like the new shirt you feel confident in that you bought the previous weekend or the food you ate at dinner or the treat you fed your dog when you left for work and buy on a weekly basis. This will show you that money is important (not evil!) and it’ll help you become more grateful for what you have in your life.

Also, keeping tabs on how much money is flowing into and out of your accounts will make you much more aware of what’s going on in that area of your life.

This isn’t a habit you need to keep forever. It might become unhealthy to do this forever, but it’s essential to stop burying your head in the sand if that’s what you’ve been doing. Try it for the next six months and see how it helps you become so much more aware of what’s going on in your life financially.

That’s the first step to decluttering your money issues…you’ve got to know what they are before you can deal with them, right?

2. Paying Attention to Your Body

Entrepreneurs are usually pretty terrible at paying attention to their bodies.

They’re often very passionate about what they do, so they work until they literally drop or their spouses remind them that their married. Oops.

But, what I’ve found personally, from mentors I trust and from working with many entrepreneurs is that you actually get more done and do much better creative work when you take care of yourself.

We all want to do our best work, right?

So, we need to learn to slow down and pay attention to what our bodies need.

This isn’t going to be easy if you’ve been ignoring your body for a long time.

Your habit in this area is to tune in regularly and ask questions. You could set an alarm on your phone for every two hours or you could tune in before making decisions to get a snack or another cup of coffee.

When you wake up, listen to your body.

Does your body want to stretch? Does your body hanker for a glass of water? Does your head hurt and beg for you to ease into the day?

When you think about getting a snack an hour after lunch, pay attention to what your body is really saying.

Is it giving you signals that you need some fresh air and a short walk would give you even more energy than a snack? Is your body saying that you’re really just bored and looking for a reason to stop working? Is your body dehydrated and you’re confusing that for hunger?

The better you become at tuning into what your body really needs, the healthier you’ll get and the more productive you’ll become. You’ll also be happier.

It’s a win, win, win, win.

Try it tomorrow. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it the more you do it.

Don’t give in to your first craving. Really think about what your body needs and wants.

3. Connecting and Spending Time with the Right People

You introverts are probably screaming, “Nooooooooooooo” at the screen right now and that’s okay.

I’m a big time introvert, so I relate to those of you who don’t want to believe this is a big part of self-care.

But, it’s undeniable.

Humans are triable. We need real, loving connections with other humans to be happy.

I realized how important this was when I got very sick and was unable to leave the house except for doctor appointments. My immune system was practically non-existent which meant that anytime I left the house, I got sick, because being around other people who were even carriers of illnesses made me sick.

When my husband and I tried leaving the house, the first time someone would cough, I would recoil with terror in my eyes and we’d have to leave wherever we were. It wasn’t worth trying to do anything.

Now I get monthly treatments that make me immune to those illnesses. YAY! I can leave my house again and do things like eat out at restaurants and go to the movies.

During the time that I was kind of like the bubble boy, I realized how important friendships and connections are to my happiness, even though I’m the first person who will pick reading and cuddling my dogs over a cocktail party.

The critical piece of this puzzle is making sure that you’re connecting with the right people.

If the only person you chat with on a daily basis happens to be your mom and she’s also the most negative person you know and doesn’t believe you’ll ever make your business successful, she’s not the right person.

That doesn’t mean you should completely cut her out of your life. Moms aren’t easily cut-out-able. But, you should find someone else to talk to daily.

Maybe another creative entrepreneur who knows what it’s like to try to build a business while working a day job. Or maybe your cousin who always makes you laugh when you catch up. Or maybe your friend from college who you lost touch with and have been meaning to reach out to.

And, you shouldn’t ever put all the pressure on one relationship.

Your spouse, your mom, your best friend, your business partner…one relationship can’t take all the good and bad. It can’t support your every need. That’s too much to put onto one person and will create a lot of strain on your relationship over time.

So, the third habit for serious self-care in 2018 is to do something each day to build or strengthen the right relationships in your life.

If you need more relationships, start there. If you’ve got the right people in your life, do something each day to make those relationships even better or to connect to one of those people.

If you do these three things in 2018, you’ll have made huge changes in your life by the end of the year–the kind of changes that literally change your life. This is what true self-care looks like.

What are you going to do this year to take care of yourself in a thoughtful way?

Why I Think Pressing Pause is BS

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I have a feeling I’m going to receive some rant-filled emails from this.

Oh well. When has that stopped me in the past?

Almost never.

I’ve sat down to write a similar blog post at least fourteen times in the past couple of years, but I knew some of you wouldn’t want to hear it.

Because this is the kind of truth that people reaaaaaaally try to avoid.

Well, the time has come where I can’t shut my own self up anymore.

I tried duck taping my hands together but I got distracted when the UPS deliveryman dropped off the best robe of all time that I ordered from Target.

It’s knee-length, has weight but isn’t suffocating, has two deep pockets, and is the kinda soft that happens after you wash a t-shirt a hundred times. Plus, it sort of looks like you’re wearing a cute hooded cardigan instead of a robe.

But, we’re getting off topic. Back to today’s reason why I’m frustrated with humanity.

First, you need a bit of backstory.

In the months before I started my business, I moved from NYC to Virginia, got married and adopted a pregnant dog that had seven puppies…the day before our wedding.

Throughout the past seven years of running my business, I’ve dealt with a very serious parental illness and two very serious in-law illnesses that all included hospital stays and surgeries.

Three family members have passed away.

About five years ago, I began to battle for my life.

My body was attacking itself and no specialist could help me. Over the past five years I’ve spent months bedridden. I’ve been to the hospital more times than I can count.

Fifty percent of the time, if I roll up my sleeves, my arms are covered in bruises from IV sticks. I’m receiving a treatment that’s literally keeping me alive. Without it, my lifespan would be another 10 years if I were lucky. This treatment gives me debilitating migraines, along with flu-like symptoms, so it’s not all magenta glitter and jelly donuts.

And, as if that wasn’t enough, I’m currently going through a major personal issue that isn’t up for discussion because it’s…well, personal. But, what I can say about it is that it’s testing me mentally more than anything in the past ever has.

The only reason I took on the persona of Debbie Downer and listed all of these life-altering things is because these are the types of reasons people give me ALL THE TIME for “putting their businesses on hold.”

Along with some others:

  • I just had a baby.
  • My kids are young and I’m going to wait until they go to school.
  • I just don’t have enough time.
  • My brother died.
  • I’m getting a divorce.
  • I got a new day job and it’s taking up more time than I expected.
  • My dad just got diagnosed with cancer.

Every time someone says that she’s putting her business on hold for one of these reasons, I just don’t get it.

And, I don’t mean on hold for maternity leave for two months or to grieve and spend time with family for a month. I’m not Voldemort.

I mean ON HOLD without a specific return date planned.

Now, before you call me a heartless wanker, let’s think this through.

When you either have something wonderful happen to you (like getting married or having a baby) or when your world is rocked (like when you get sick or experience a loss), why would the first thing you let go of be your passion?

If knitting or writing fiction or life coaching were the thing that lights a fire under you every day, why would you drop it like it meant nothing?

I’m probably going to get backlash from moms.

“You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t have kids.”

You’re absolutely right. I don’t. My health has kept me from being able to have children.

But I’ve got some arguments for you.

First, there are amazing moms who are crushing it in the business world. So, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. You don’t have to be a crap mom to be passionate about your work.

Second, does it inspire your kids when they see you happy, engaged and alive with energy? Or, is it better for them to be the reason you gave up on your dreams, seeing you lose pieces of yourself over time? (Oh yeah…I can already see the hate mail…A non-mom daring to have an opinion about moms?!? Are you already imagining me with devil horns?)

It inspired me to see my mom passionate, constantly working on side projects. I’m so glad she didn’t give that up, because I don’t think I would’ve had the courage to leave my day job when I did if I hadn’t seen the way my mom navigated running her own side businesses without the internet back in the 80s and 90s. I knew that if she could do it without the internet, I could absolutely do it with it.

She’s like superwoman to me. I’m lucky that I grew up with a mom who spent quality time with me and made time for her own creativity.

I’m NOT saying every mom needs to run a business. Entrepreneurship isn’t for everybody.

I’m saying that I don’t think it does anyone any good to give up on or “pause” your dreams. What message does that send?

I get slowing down.

You have a baby and you have to limit your working hours.

Your mom gets diagnosed with terminal cancer and you want to spend every moment you can with her so you have to work around when she’s resting and getting treatments.

You start developing weird health issues that your doctors can’t diagnose so you have to rest more and work less.

But, people, life is so very short.

Please take a moment before you decide to put YOUR DREAMS on pause even for six months or a year to remind yourself how short life is and that you have no idea how much time you have here on Earth.

Putting your dreams on pause is like spitting in your passion’s face. Like giving the bird to your creativity.

In the last seven years, I’ve experienced loss, devastating health issues, personal problems that leave me confused and frightened.

But, I’ve never pressed the pause button. Never.

Over that time I’ve missed less than ten weekly emails—probably more like five. And, those all occurred because I was hospital sick or at a funeral.

My business gives me something to focus on when everything else is crashing to the ground. My business allows me to be there for family members when they get sick. My business gives me a creative outlet when that’s exactly what I need.

If your business doesn’t do the same for you, maybe you’re in the wrong business.

And, if the next time you hit a major speed bump in your life and your first thought is to take a break from your business, you need to ask yourself how bad you really want this?

Because there’s someone else out there who won’t take that break, who will surpass you, and will win. Those are the people who succeed.

Have You Owned Every Second that This World Could Give?

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“I owned every second that this world could give

I saw so many places, the things that I did

With every broken bone, I swear I lived”

Lyrics from I Lived by OneRepublic

I feel like it’s a mid-90’s move to start this blog post with song lyrics…or maybe a super cheesy move. Like mozzarella string cheese (which I wish some company would make a vegan equivalent of because I miss that snack sooooooo bad).

Either way I couldn’t help myself.

That song has been playing on repeat in my brain since I watched Val and Victoria dance to it on Monday night’s episode of Dancing with the Stars.

If you don’t watch Dancing with the Stars, Victoria Arlen is on the show because she’s a living miracle.

When she was eleven-years-old, she developed two debilitating neurological diseases that caused her to have seizures every two to five minutes. She was locked in and unable to move.

In 2010, despite all medical professionals saying she’d never talk or sit up or walk again, she started to gain feeling back in her hands. She continued to recover, but it seemed like she would spend her life in a wheelchair.

Every test and every doctor said Victoria would never walk. It was supposed to be impossible, but this woman decided she wasn’t ready to give up.

I’m not sure of the circumstances, but just last year she learned how to walk.   

And, now she’s dancing the foxtrot and quickstep in front of millions of viewers across America every week.

Even though my votes are going to Mark Ballas and Lindsey Stirling (hey…I have to be honest), I’m inspired by Victoria.

Inspired doesn’t seem like a big enough word.

This woman was told over and over to give up. That her dream of standing on her own two feet was hopeless. And, she didn’t back down.

I want to say I’d do the same thing in her situation, but if every specialist said it was impossible, it would be hard for me to believe otherwise.

Thank goodness there are determined people like Victoria out there who show us the true definition of motivation.

When I find myself complaining about my own health issues, one of things that has always gotten me through has been looking to people who’ve gone through much worse. Victoria is one of those people.

If she can learn to walk again without being able to feel her feet or legs (yeah…she’s dancing on television without being able to feel her legs), I can get my act together on the days when I feel flu-ish.

I can write despite the body aches.

I can find my yoga clothes in their drawer and pull them onto my clammy body and do 20 minutes of yoga despite a low fever.

I can fill up my water cups and get out my watercolors and lose myself in painting even though my head aches.

I can grab a tennis ball out of the dog cabinet and watch the joy spread across my dogs’ faces as they realize we’re going to play even though I’ve got a shooting pain down one leg.

I can turn up the music and dance like a kid with no one watching even though I know I’ll be out of breath by the end of one song.

Otherwise, I waste another day.

And, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to waste another second.

If your moment comes soon (like in the song by OneRepublic), will you be able to say that you did it all?

Will you be able to say that you lived?

What’s one thing that you could do today to say that you lived a little more?

Maybe you stop by that bakery you always think about and pick up a chocolate salted caramel cupcake?

Maybe you stay up till midnight writing and sipping peppermint tea?

Maybe you shelve the salmon you were going to make for dinner and you take the family out to play at the park and then for tacos (I mean…because tacos!)?

Maybe you stop by Lush on your way home from work and get yourself a pink pumpkin bath bar to turn your bath into a sparkling oasis tonight?

Maybe you call your mom to tell her how much you love her and then you bust open that bottle of champagne you’ve been holding onto for over two years?

Maybe you book a long weekend away for you and your spouse because you can’t remember the last time you spent more than a handful of hours alone–and that was when you had to go to the emergency room?

Live today…

As string cheesy as it sounds, you never know what tomorrow brings.

Gratitude is Sexy, Unhappiness is Contagious and 7 Other Life Lessons

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Today I turned 35. It’s my birthday!

(Since I went to bed last night, I’ve had In Da Club by 50 Cent playing in my head…We gon’ party like it’s yo birthday…We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday…)

It feels like a BIG birthday and it’s not just because of the age. For the first time since I turned 29 years old, I’m feeling healthy again.

I started IVIg infusion treatments for my autoimmune disease four months ago and the treatments seem to be working. (Can we take a minute to toss some virtual confetti?)

I still have a long road to go. I need to get off the many medications I’m currently on. I need to figure out how to deal with the debilitating migraines I get everytime I receive an IVIg infusion (which is once a month).

But, it’s my birthday and I want to focus on the positive.

I feel as if a heavy quilt of doom has been lifted off of me. I’ve got a lot more energy (without having to down soda or coffee or Red Bull). I don’t have ulcers 24/7. I don’t wake up feeling like I have the worst flu of my life day after day after day.

Once the side effects of getting off my medications go away, I’ll be a brand new person. It’ll be like I’m 29-year-old April and I can’t wait. (You better watch out, because 29-year-old April cranked out content and work like Paris Geller and Hermione Granger combined.)

Because this day feels really special to me, I wanted to write a special blog post. I decided to do that by sharing the biggest life lessons I’ve learned so far, many of them becoming clear once I got sick. (Your priorities shift when you or someone you love becomes chronically ill.)

Here are those top life lessons I’ve learned during the past 35 years of my life:

1. Gratitude is sexy.

I’m a lifelong learner and one of the topics I’m addicted to reading about is happiness. I have at least 15 books on my shelves about increasing your happiness and almost all of them have a section on gratitude.

The research is clear: you want to be happy, you need to be grateful.

Even though I understood this, it took me a long time to buy into the whole ‘gratitude practice’ thing. For a couple years, I tried keeping a gratitude journal, but I only wrote in it sporadically. I would forget about it for weeks at a time.

Eventually, I gave up.

Months later, I realized that at the end of the day my husband and I would often tell each other about the bad parts of our days. I’d tell him about the rude email I received from someone telling me that I really need to hire a stylist and he’d tell me about the paralegal who made him look bad in front of a judge.

We’d share accomplishments and good things, too. But often gossip and complaints would overshadow the good stuff. When I noticed this, we started a gratitude practice together that we still do to this day.

At the end of the day, we started sharing our top three of the day. That meant we’d share the top three good things about our days. We’d talk about these things while on our evening walk or while we were getting ready for bed.

For instance, my top three might be: 1) the live call for Sunday Society that was crazy fun 2) the delicious burrito I had for lunch that fueled my afternoon and 3) cuddling the dogs in bed while reading an adorable young adult romance.

They could be big things or little things. It helped us concentrate on the good in our days.

When I got sick, I also realized how much I took for granted. I didn’t appreciate my health like I should’ve. Now that I’m getting better, I don’t want to ever make that mistake again.

Whenever I find myself complaining or being negative, I try my very best to switch to a mindset of gratefulness.

I have a lot to be grateful for including a hot and kind husband who has stuck by me through the sickness part of in sickness and in health.

No matter how bad your life is, there’s always SOMETHING you can be grateful for. Do you have clean water to drink? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have clothes on your body? For your own happiness, concentrate on what you do have instead of what you don’t have.    

2. Life is too short to hate your work.

I talk about this one all the time, but it’s because it’s something I believe with every beat of my heart.

When I found out that the average lifespan of someone with my diagnosis (who doesn’t get the IVIg infusions) is 45, I felt immediately grateful that I left my day job to follow my dreams.

I should live a long and happy life because I’m getting the infusions, but even so, none of us know how long we really have.

This isn’t the dress rehearsal.

This is it–the real thing.

Do you want to waste years doing something you hate? Isn’t it worth it to do everything you can possibly do to make your side hustle your main thing if that’s your passion?

Stop watching Netflix and write a damn blog post. Get over yourself and do a Facebook Live. Update your Instagram feed daily. Email your list every single week. Attend a conference by the end of the year. Do things that push you out of your comfort zone.

You don’t want to have regrets. You don’t want to wake up ten years from now and wish you had worked harder to live the dream. You don’t want to wonder what your life could’ve been or would have been if you’d done the work.

3. What you say matters.

This is a small lesson that makes a HUGE difference.

What you say to yourself and to other people matters. What you focus on becomes your reality.

For instance, if you say that you can’t possibly do live streaming video like Facebook or Instagram Live, then you won’t ever be able to do it.

Maybe it scares you. Maybe you’re shy. Maybe you’ve never done anything like it.

So freaking what?

If you change the story to something like, “I’ve never done anything like Facebook or Instagram Live and it makes me nervous but it’s worth it, because I want to make my dreams a reality,” then you’re at least giving yourself a chance.

Here’s another example.

Let’s say you’re a mom of three that’s also running a business. You constantly feel overwhelmed and pulled in different directions.

When people ask how you’re doing, you could respond with, “I’m really busy and stressed. I have to do x and y and z.”

Or, you could respond with, “I’ve got a lot going on but I’m building the business of my dreams. I GET to do x and y and z.”

See how that change in wording makes a huge difference? Not only will it make the people around you actually want to spend more time with you (because who wants to spend time with Negative Nelly) but it will help you to be more positive and happier.

You picked this life. You decided to have those three kids. You embraced entrepreneurship. You don’t HAVE to do all the things. You GET to do all the things. Look at it with a new lens and see if that doesn’t give you more energy and joy. Perspective can be everything.  

4. Sometimes you just need to start.

I wonder how many people reading this blog post have an idea they’ve been thinking about for days or weeks or months but haven’t taken any action to get started.

I wanted to start Blacksburg Belle at least six months before I actually bought the domain and set up the website.

It took me six months of pondering every little detail before plunging into action. Six wasted months. That’s so silly.

If you have a novel you want to write, open up a Google Doc and write the first sentence today. If you want to start selling your hand knit scarves, take your first step to open your shop today.

Getting started can be the hardest part. And, once you take that first step, it often propels you to keep going.

You’ll learn so much from doing–so much more than you could ever learn from a webinar or a book or a blog post. You don’t need to learn more or research more. You need to start today. Now.

5. Unhappiness is contagious.

Have you ever noticed that you feel frustrated all afternoon when you’ve eaten lunch with your coworker who complains the entire time? Or how about that crappy feeling you get after you’ve spent the evening with a family member who is the most negative person to ever live?

I recently wrote a blog post about cutting negative, unhappy people out of my life.

I urge you to cut the time you spend with one negative person by at least fifty percent and spend that time with someone who is positive and see what happens.

I bet you’ll feel more excited, inspired and motivated.

It’ll make you want to decrease the time you spend with all the negative people in your life (hopefully there aren’t that many).

6. Always keep your promises to yourself.

When you decide you’re going to blog every week, blog every freaking week.

When you say you’re going to take a yoga class tomorrow morning, go to that yoga class tomorrow morning.

When you write, “shave legs because they look like troll legs and I wanna wear shorts in this heat wave” down in your planner, shave your hairy legs.

These probably seem like small promises to you, like not that big of a deal if you don’t get around to it.

But, that’s the problem.

The more your word doesn’t mean anything to YOU, the more you’re going to struggle to reach your goals and get things done.

You’ll always find a reason not to do things. That’s why you need your promises to yourself to mean more than anything.

7. Curiosity is a way of life.

Every talented, intelligent, successful person I know is also incredibly curious. It’s a way of life for them. They’re constantly asking questions. They love to learn new things. They look at people as puzzles.

My mother-in-law is one of the most curious people I know and she’s also one of the most creative people I know. It comes hand in hand.

Whenever I find myself bored in a conversation, I try to become curious. I ask more interesting questions. I listen carefully to the person’s answers and see what other interesting questions I could ask.

I also have made learning a part of my daily life. Right now, I’m taking a watercolor course on Creativebug. I spend 30-60 minutes each day watching the lesson 2-3 times and then painting the flower 1-5 times. After it dries, I photograph the painting, edit the photos and share them on Instagram.

Whether I’m reading a nonfiction book or taking an online course or learning calligraphy from my mother-in-law, learning something new every day makes me a better, happier person. It also makes me and my business more interesting.

8. Make the most of the time with the people in your life.

This past year we dealt with a lot of sickness in our family. My mom was hospitalized for over a week for kidney failure and it was one of the scariest weeks of my life.

I acted really brave around my mom, telling her it was going to be fine, but every evening when I returned to her house without her, I broke down.

I knew that if my mom didn’t recover I would have regrets. Not huge regrets. My mom and I are best friends. We hadn’t been fighting or anything like that. But, I would’ve regretted not visiting my parents more and not calling them more.

As my own health symptoms got worse, traveling became hard and so did talking on the phone for an hour. I’d be exhausted after either of those things, but the exhaustion was always worth it.

Now that my health is getting better, my husband and I are already planning on visiting them more. There are other people in our lives that we feel the exact same way about.

We never know when we’re going to get one of those heartbreaking phone calls that a loved one is dying or has passed.

I don’t want to have any regrets. The people in my life who I adore deserve so much more from me and that’s a priority of mine.

9. Every day is better with a little dancing.

This might seem like a silly life lesson, but it’s thrown in here to remind myself (and you) a few things: not to take life too seriously, to have fun every single day and to move your body each day even if it’s just for a short dance break.

I hope you enjoyed this post that was a bit different in honor of celebrating my thirty-fifth birthday.

What’s one of your top life lessons? Share in the comments below!

The Most Important 15 Minutes of Your Day

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Consider your last week and answer the following question:

Which days were good and which weren’t?

Now think about those individual days for a moment.

Did the good days include intention, surprises and self-care? Did the bad days include procrastination, lack of priorities and getting off track?

Like most people, I used to open my bleary eyes and grab for my phone to check my email and social media. No wonder my days got sucked up by everyone else’s priorities–their interview requests and questions and requests for guidance or advice.

By the time my husband called to ask what I’d like for lunch (yes…we’re one of those gooey, over the top couples that insists on eating lunch together on work days), I’d responded to Facebook posts, tweets, Instagram comments, blog comments and emails but I hadn’t spent the morning on what I prioritized.

And, our mornings usually dictate the rest of our day.

So, you probably know where this is going. I’d start my work in the afternoon feeling like I was already behind, continually interrupting my day by checking every new email and Instagram comment.

One day, I’d had enough.

I’d done a bunch of things for other people, but I hadn’t checked off one single thing from my own to-do list.

Now, my days look a lot different because I start them with intention.

Most weekdays, I don’t check my email, social media accounts or Voxer messages until my husband calls to say that he’s coming home for lunch. Between that call and when he arrives home is the first chunk of time I set aside for email and social media. I try to get as much of it done as possible during that time period–which is sometimes 10 minutes because we already have what we’re eating at home or 20-30 minutes because my husband has to pick up the ingredients or takeout.

This has not only changed how much I get done, but it’s also changed my happiness level.

When I start my day with email and social media, I’m a lot less happy throughout the entire day than when I start my day with writing or watercolor painting or working on something for Sunday Society.

I want you to be happier and I know that if you start your day with more intention, you’ll most likely enjoy your work days a lot more.

Let’s walk through the most important pieces and then you can download and print the one-page guide that will help you do this every morning.

It’ll only take you 15 minutes and we all have 15 minutes to put towards our happiness, right?

Your Ideal Day PDF to Download

1. Your word or message for the day.

Have you ever bought a new car and then suddenly you notice all the other cars with the same make and model when you’re driving around town? Have you ever prioritized something, like email marketing, and all of a sudden you notice a webinar and blog post and book on the topic? Have you ever thought about dying your hair a light lavender color and then see 12 different pictures on Pinterest where the each woman’s hair is lavender (by the way, I think that looks so cool and wish I could pull it off)?

We can’t possibly pay attention to all of the stimuli around us, so our brains tend to choose the things that are most important.

This is called selective attention.

“This type of selective attention is what scientists call inattentional blindness–that is, we see what we’ve decided merits our attention, and we’re remarkably blind to the rest. So the priorities we set for ourselves really matter.” -How to Have a Good Day, Caroline Webb

You want to start the day by telling your brain what to focus on.

What’s the message or word or thought you want to be the center of attention?

2. Your big goal for the quarter.

“Having explicit objectives that are challenging and specific–with clear timelines and performance criteria–leads to better performance. Setting a goal is about making a commitment in words, and words have the power to create a better future.” -Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar

What’s the main thing you want to achieve this quarter?

If you’re anything like me, you want to do it all, but unfortunately that usually leads to accomplishing nothing.

If you pick your one main thing and keep it top of mind, you’re going to be much more likely to achieve it.

When you’re stating your goal, here are a few rules to follow: a) make sure it’s something actually achievable (read more versus read 25 books) b) make sure that the language is positive (stop eating junk food versus fill half my plate with fruits and veggies at every meal).

If you haven’t been making a lot of progress towards this goal, ask yourself what it will feel like to achieve this goal. How will it improve your life or business? How will it affect your day-to-day life?

3. Top three priorities/tasks.

For years, I’ve used this top three method and it’s completely changed my productivity. Every single evening before I wrap up for the day, I write down the top three tasks I want to achieve the next day.

I don’t give myself a to-do list that includes 27 tasks.

That’s overwhelming and will immediately make you want to run back to bed and hide under the covers. And, it can’t be accomplished so you’ll feel like a failure at the end of the day and you’ll spend way too much time trying to decide what to do next because you know you can’t do it all.

Trust me on this one. I wouldn’t lead you astray.

Commit to three tasks–three things that you can absolutely get done. For example, you might include write next week’s blog post rough draft, do a 15-minute Facebook live and reply to all comments on my last blog post.

Here’s the magic in the three task to-do list: you waste no time trying to decide what to do, you feel amazing when you accomplish your three tasks and you often keep going because you’re high from tackling your to-do list like a pro.

And, my best tip for this section is to make sure that at least one of your top three is helping you to get closer to your quarterly goal.

Your Ideal Day PDF

4. Self-care and exercise.

Running your own business can take over your life.

You miss lunch and only realize it when you check the clock and it’s 4:28 and your stomach is rumbling. You don’t get out of your chair all day except when you race to pee (because you held it until the last possible moment). You go to bed at one in the morning when you have to wake up at six to get your kiddos ready for school.

You need a reality check and I’m going to give it to you.

When you don’t take care of yourself, your health, and your mental health, your work suffers.

You’re irritable with your husband because he forgot to take out the trash. You’re feeling depressed and you have no idea why. Your head pounds at the end of the day, making it next to impossible to fall asleep.

Your work, health and mental health will improve if you spend a small amount of time taking care of yourself.

“People who exercise are healthier, think more clearly, sleep better, and have delayed onset of dementia. Regular exercise boosts energy levels; although some people assume that working out is tiring, in fact, it boosts energy, especially in sedentary people.” -The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin

Each day, make this a priority and write down how you’re going to eat healthier, move your body and get rest. It could be as simple as dancing to one song every 90 minutes, eating lunch away from your computer so you can enjoy what you’re eating and getting eight hours of sleep.  

6. Obstacles and contingency plans.

“An excellent way to reinforce your positive intentions, strangely enough, is to make sure you spend a little time on the negatives. By this, I mean thinking honestly about what’s likely to get in the way of achieving your goals, so you can address those obstacles head-on.” -How to Have a Good Day, Caroline Webb

Look at your top three priorities. What might get in the way of achieving them?

Maybe your kid might get sick and have to come home early. Maybe your sister might call with a “crisis” and need to talk for an hour. Maybe your kids might need more help on their homework than usual.

You now need to create a contingency plan for each of those obstacles.

Let me give you a few examples:

If my sister calls wanting to talk for an hour, I’ll tell her that I’m working and will call her back this evening when she can have my undivided attention.

If my husband can’t pick up the kids from school and I have to do it, I’ll work thirty minutes later before going to bed.

If I start to get a headache, I’ll lay down in a dark room for an hour and if it gets better, I’ll decrease my task list from three to two items.

7. Visualize it.

Now comes the fun part (which some people think is a little “out there” but actually works).

I want you to imagine going through your day, getting those three tasks done, dealing with any obstacles that pop up. Play it in your mind as if it’s a movie.

Visualization is something that many pro athletes swear by.

When I was a diver in middle and high school, I had a routine for every dive meet. When they called my name and the dive I would be doing, I would climb the diving board steps and then I would shut my eyes and visualize myself doing the dive beautifully.

It absolutely made a difference. I went from earning lots of third and fourth place ribbons to getting second or first place at every meet.

“Mindfulness brings many benefits: scientists point out that it calms the mind and elevates brain function, it gives clarity and vividness to present experience, it may help people break unhealthy habits, and it can soothe troubled spirits and lift people’s moods. It reduces stress and chronic pain. It makes people happier, less defensive and more engaged with others.” -The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin

After you visualize your day like a movie, check it off your PDF.

8. Reward.

Are you the type of person that gets motivated by rewards?

I must raise my hand and admit that I do.

If I tell myself that I can read A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas for thirty minutes if I write my blog post draft and post on Instagram, I’m more motivated to do the work.

This doesn’t work for everyone but it works for a lot of people.

“Studies of people who have successfully started new exercise routines, for instance, show they are more likely to stick with a workout plan if they choose a specific cue, such as running as soon as they get home from work, and a clear reward, such as a beer or an evening of guilt-free television.” -The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg

Your reward could be taking a bubble bath or doodling or watching Friends reruns.

This also circles back to self care. I don’t know about you, but all of my rewards help my mental health. They make me calmer and give me more energy for work the next day.

There you have it. The eight things you should consider every morning before you start your work. Start your day intentionally and see how it impacts your productivity and happiness.

Download Your Ideal Day PDF right here.

In the comments below, I would love to know one thing you do in the morning that helps you have an awesome day.

What My Husband Did to Surprise Me Yesterday

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Yesterday my husband walked into the bedroom and handed me the latest publication of Writer’s Digest that came in the mail that day.

He pointed to the cover and said, “You want to go?”

I glanced at the cover and realized he was referring to the Writer’s Digest Annual Conference that is taking place in New York in August.

My first thought was: Oh my gooooooooooooosh….no! I’m not ready for something like that. Are you bananas? There are REAL authors at that thing.

And, my armpits may have started perspiring at the thought of networking (ewwwwww…who else has social anxiety and gets the heebie jeebies from that word?) with published authors who, you know, have published an actual book.

But, my second thought was: I married the right guy.

I seriously picked the right man to marry.

I’m one smart, awesome woman. (Hmmmm…so maybe I need a little more humility? Mom, I blame you for always telling me I was the best at everything always.)

The reason my second thought was that I married the right guy wasn’t because he looks super hot in a suit or jeans and a t-shirt (although that helps).

My thoughts turned towards giving myself a pat on the back for marrying my husband because it’s incredibly important to surround yourself with the right people.

The people who believe in you, who want to see your dreams come true, and who actually want to see you happy.

My husband knows that I dream of becoming a published novelist.

One of my passions is writing fiction. And, he also knows that my brand and business is built from my writing (hello, blog posts!) and that I’m always trying to improve my writing.

He doesn’t know this (because I didn’t tell him…but he reads my blog posts so he’ll know now…hi sweetheart!) but it means the entire universe to me that he suggested it.

He came to me with an idea on how to support and encourage my dreams.

Not only that, but he was open to spending time and money on my dreams–not just willing to listen to me talk about it or say “no, sweetheart” when I ask if he minds if I spend a night or weekend day writing.

Whenever he does something like that, it makes me feel like I’m not alone in my daydreams. It tells me that he listens (most of the time) and wants to support me on becoming a better person.

I frequently joke with him that he’s an enabler because we basically have a library in our house (three overflowing, big bookshelves) and he regularly surprises me with gift cards to buy books like he did for mother’s day, giving me a card that said I’m a great doggie mama.

I know. He’s the best, but don’t get any ideas. He’s taken and I’m the jealous type who will come after you like a starving hyena after a chicken bone.

The point is that he constantly encourages me and I do the same for him.

We both want to see each other happy and fulfilled.

That makes running a business and taking risks (such as spending an entire month prepping for a CreativeLive course when I had no idea whether it’d pay off financially or not) so much easier.

I’m a better person being married to my husband. He makes me more patient, pushes me to take my health into my own hands and doesn’t let me quit on myself when I’m having one of the worst days of my career, including calming me down when I threaten to throw my Macbook Pro onto the floor and smash it into little pieces.

Okay, I’ll stop bragging about my hot, genius, hilarious, caring husband. (He has a big enough ego anyways. I don’t need to add to it.)

Let’s move onto another example: my partner in crime. The woman who wore adult tutus with me, who talked me into speaking at CreativeLive when I didn’t know if I could pull it off, and who inspires me every single time we interact with her charming personality and innovative ideas.

If you don’t know who I’m talking about, it’s Mayi Carles, the tiny Panamanian artist with a T-Rex heart.

She is the most creative person I know and just like my husband, she makes me a better person.

She pushes me to do things outside of my comfort zone, she’ll stay on a call with me for an hour just so we can brainstorm names for my membership site and she forces me think about things in completely different ways.

Whenever she shares a new project she’s working on, it triggers something inside of me to work harder. Not in a competitive way, but in a ‘I’m-so-pumped-and-feel-like-I-can-take-on-the-world-now-too’ kind of way.

Mayi and I connected seven years ago (I can hardly believe it’s been that long) and we’ll be the best of friends no matter what. Even if she stops running a business to join a traveling circus or something else I find kinda crazy.

My mom is another example of surrounding myself with the right people.

I’m literally the person I am because of my mom.

She’s the one who gave me my inner Paris Geller and don’t you ever forget it haters.

I have my mom to thank for my bright green eyes, my intense personality and my belief that I can do whatever I set my mind to do.

My mom cheered me on when I first joined the diving team in middle school and could only walk to the end of the board and dive off. The first year was brutal. I spent months learning how to do a back dive and front a flip and a really ugly looking back flip. I only placed in meets if there were only four or five girls in my age range. Then, I would place fourth or fifth.

My mom didn’t suggest that I give up. She believed in me (and drove me to the pool to practice every single summer day) which made me believe in myself and by the time I stopped diving, I’d racked up lots of first and second place ribbons along with some newspaper mentions.

She is one of the first people I call for any reason: to celebrate, to cry, to laugh, to calm down. When my husband and I are in Richmond visiting my mom and step dad, she’s the one who sits with me, gabbing away, when I’m too sick to get out of bed.

My mom makes me feel powerful and intelligent and beautiful when I spend time with her or chat with her on the phone. (Love you, Mom. Longer than the road and higher than the sky.)

And, then there’s the flipside.

The family members who make me feel crappy every single time I waste time with them. The ones who never have anything positive to say. The ones who made me feel like they were doing me a favor just by answering my phone call. The ones who made fun of my dreams.

Even though they’re family, they had to go.

I won’t name names (just in case…you know), but I had to protect myself by cutting family members out of my life.

I know that sounds harsh and it hasn’t always been easy, but it’s the right move for my sanity.

There’s the boyfriend who was emotionally abusive.

There’s the “friends” that stabbed me in the back or used me when it was convenient for them.

There’s the neighbor who always complains. Always. Life can’t be all bad, can it? Damn lady…read a good book or take a bubble bath or get a dog.

I don’t want to think about the person I’d become if I’d spent more time with the negative naysayers.

If I was a betting gal, I bet I would still be working a day job that sucked every ounce of energy I had out of me. I bet I’d be miserable. I bet the best part of every day would be when I slipped in between the covers on my bed to go to sleep.

I wonder if there’s an alternate April in another world who kept spending all her time with those people. (Maybe I read too many fantasy novels.) If so, I feel sorry for her.

We don’t want to believe that we’re influenced by the people we spend time with, especially if those people are the opposite of what we want to be, but consider it for a moment.

When one spouse decides to get healthy, it often rubs off on the other. When one spouse gains weight, it tends to make the other gain weight. (Who can enjoy a hamburger and fries when the other person is eating a salad?)

When your friends or coworkers are positive and making strides in their careers, it makes you feel upbeat and motivates you to do better, right?

On the other hand, when you go to lunch with a friend who complains and gossips the entire time, you leave feeling lousy. You grumble at the lady who accidentally bumps into you and you spend that evening binging on Cheetos and watching Gilmore Girls to “cheer up” even though you don’t really know why you feel down.

Think about it.

Who in your life makes you feel good when you spend time with them? Who makes you feel negative and frustrated and stressed?

If something amazing happens in your life, who are the top three people you’d call to celebrate with? Who would you be almost worried to tell because they’d probably dump some bird crap all over your good news instead of congratulating you? 

Same thing with where you spend time online. What Facebook groups make you feel like you can conquer your dreams? Which ones make you feel hopeless or overwhelmed? Who do you follow on Instagram that makes you laugh out loud or happy? Who makes you feel like you need to constantly be playing ‘keeping up with the Joneses?’

Did you do a good job of picking the people in your life? Do you need to make some cuts or at least stop squandering away as much time with those people? Do you need to excuse yourself from a few Facebook groups and unfollow some people on Instagram?

The right people don’t try to hold you down, they don’t make you feel bad about your accomplishments and they don’t make you feel guilty for chasing your dreams.

The right people make you a better, happier person just by hanging out with them.

Period. The end.

P.S. If you’re looking for a group of positive, motivating women who never make one another feel lousy or rotten, check out Sunday Society. It’s an affordable membership program for creative entrepreneurs who are serious about making their daydreams a reality.

“Not only does April offer her wisdom and expertise daily (as well as live weekly calls), but each and every Sunday Society member jumps in, helps you, offers advice, and cheers you on. Since joining in February, not a day goes by where I can’t wait to check in and then get working on my own plans–and this is after YEARS of feeling stuck and afraid I would never be able to move forward with my dreams. April’s monthly challenges help make everything bite size and doable, and that’s also been key for me to stay on the motivation train. Love Sunday Society!” -Katie Meyers, CALMING CREATIVE

Does Pursuing Less Really Improve Your Happiness?

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My mom went into kidney failure last Thursday and was admitted to the hospital.

I feel incredibly blessed that they figured out that the kidney failure was due to an allergic reaction to a medication she was taking and she’s now back at home, doing well. It took them eight long days to discover this.

For the first couple days, I couldn’t do anything–read a book, flip through a magazine, watch a television show. And, it felt like every single second lasted 27 minutes.

Once we realized that a biopsy of her kidneys would probably give us answers, I felt like I could breathe again.

While she was getting her kidneys biopsied, I sat in the waiting room and started reading what is now one of my favorite books, Essentialism by Greg McKeown.

I don’t know if Emily (from the podcast, Being Boss) would remember this, but she recommended I read it a couple years ago when we were chatting on Skype. It took awhile Em, but now I know why you pushed it on me. Thanks for the recommendation.

I learned or was reminded of a lot of critical things in this book. I pulled out my top ten favorite lessons and explain how it applies to my business and how you might apply it to your business.

But, this is not your get your get out of jail free card. You still need to read this brilliant book. (Don’t wait two years like me or you’ll want to kick your own bum.)

1. “The Essentialist doesn’t just recognize the power of choice, he celebrates it. The Essentialist knows that when we surrender our right to choose, we give others not just the power but also the explicit permission to choose for us.”

This is the quote that made me fall head over heels for this book on page 39. I knew right then that I needed this book in my life.

It might surprise some of you who know how intense I can be, but I’ve got a little bit of a people pleaser in me. It stems from elementary school when I would do anything to not get in trouble. In fact, the first and only time I ever got detention was in the first grade and I remember it clearly.

This snot-nosed little jerk wouldn’t stop talking to me even though I kept shushing him. The teacher didn’t care that I was trying to do the right thing. She put us both in detention and I came home sobbing. My mom said that I wouldn’t stop crying for hours.

I’ve grown out of that, but I still don’t like getting into trouble and that’s where my people pleasing comes into play. I have to remind myself every morning that if I don’t decide how I’m going to spend my time, others will for me through email requests and tweets and questions on Instagram.

Even when I have a hard time choosing something as simple as a buddha bowl or quinoa salad for dinner, I know that if I don’t choose, my husband will, which is fine as long as I don’t mind either. But, if I’m not in the mood for a buddha bowl, I need to speak up or I might end up picking at a dinner I didn’t really want.

If you need to get better at making your own choices, pause before you respond. Take a breath and remind yourself that you’re in control. You have choices.

2. “Essentialists actually explore more options than their Nonessentialist counterparts. Whereas Nonessentialists commit to everything or virtually everything without actually exploring, Essentialists systematically explore and evaluate a broad set of options before committing to any.”

When I realized that I no longer wanted to be a family therapist, I experienced a lot of meltdowns because I had no idea what I wanted to do.

It would’ve been easier for me to say something like, “I’m going to quit my job with great benefits because I’ve realized that I want to become a baker.” But, all I knew was that I wasn’t happy doing my work day in and day out.

So, I started experimenting with anything that sounded fun such as cooking, scrapbooking, jewelry design, blogging, writing fiction, making things out of clay, and mixed media painting. Every second I wasn’t working, I was trying to figure out my passion.

I’m certain that if I had just picked the first thing that piqued my interest, I would be a miserable scrapbooker. Instead, I played a lot and figured out that I love a combination of: teaching, writing and watercolor painting.

If you’re in the beginning of your business and you’re struggling with the “what,” have some fun with all of your options. Write a couple blog posts about parenting if you think you want to start a parenting blog that focuses on minimalism. Spend an entire eight hours (with small breaks) creating jewelry. If at the end of the eight hours you realize this isn’t something you like to do when you have to spend that much time on it, you’ve had a great a-ha moment and presents for all your friends’ birthdays.

3. “As painful as they can sometimes be, trade-offs represent a significant opportunity. By forcing us to weigh both options and strategically select the best one for us, we significantly increase our chance of achieving the outcome we want.”

I have a love-hate relationship with trade-offs. Oh my bananas, I wish I could do it all on any given day, but I can’t.

I have to decide if I should respond to the email that’s from a loyal customer asking for advice that’ll probably take me 10 to 15 minutes to reply to or get through a bunch of emails that will only take me a minute or less to reply to.

I have to decide whether to add another live call to the next month of Sunday Society or spend that time working on bonus worksheets.

I have to pick between going out to dinner with my husband and friends or eating something simple so I can squeeze in some watercolor painting.

These aren’t easy decisions, but as a business owner, you have to make a bunch every single day and those decisions impact your success and happiness.

4. “We can take further inspiration from the example of CEO Bill Gates, who regularly (and famously) takes a regular week off from his daily duties at Microsoft simply to think and read.”

This sounds like heaven to me, and it’s already something I’ve been planning since this past December. If things go right, I plan to take two long weekends (hopefully about four days each) to get away from everything and focus.

I’d like to spend one of these long weekends reading business books, watching TED talks and planning the future of Blacksburg Belle and Sunday Society. For the other, I want to hole up somewhere cold and cozy, preferably by the fire and spend the entire time writing.

My favorite chunks of time are when I fall into a reading frenzy. I’ll get this great idea, spend a few days outlining and then dive into the story, writing from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. I wrote three-fourths of a novel in three weeks this way. And, every second felt incredible.

What about you? When’s the last time you had a full day to think or lose yourself in your craft without a single distraction. I know it’s harder for you moms out there, but I think your family could give you one day or one weekend. And, those weekends are worth it because they feel magical.

5. “Play is an antidote to stress, and this is key because stress, in addition to being an enemy of productivity, can actually shut down the creative, inquisitive, exploratory parts of our brain. You know how it feels: you’re stressed about work and suddenly everything starts going wrong.”

There wasn’t a single concept in this book that turned me off, but this one made me light up.

I think about the days that I pull out my bullet journal and sketch without caring how it turns out because I could always erase it or cover it up. Or when I start an audiobook (usually an exciting thriller like Baby Doll by Hollie Overton) and paint with my watercolors without having an end goal in mind.

I also love playing board games, even though my family members get a little scared to play with me cause I tend to be a sore loser. Once I even threw all the cards onto the floor because my husband was cheating, no one else noticed and he giggled like “hahahaha, I got away with it.”

After game night, I always have a great day the next day at work. It’s amazing how play impacts my work.

If you’re stuck creatively, play. Go outside and play hide and seek with your kids. Have a game night with two other couples. Ask a friend to play a game of tennis with you. See if it doesn’t give you a boost of creativity when you return to your work.

6. “The best asset we have for making a contribution to the world is ourselves. If we underinvest in ourselves, and by that I mean our minds, bodies, and our spirits, we damage the very tool we need to make our highest contribution. One of the most common ways people–especially ambitious people–damage this asset is through a lack of sleep.”

My husband and I fight over the same thing constantly. He thinks he can run on five or six hours of sleep and I care so much about him that I demand he sleeps for at least seven hours.

I’ve shown him research that proves my point, I’ve read him passages in books that reiterate these facts, I make him watch interviews with Arianna Huffington who wrote about the importance of sleep.

And, my husband is probably the most logical person in our family but he still fights this notion that he needs sleep.

However…about six months ago, he admitted that he’s noticed a difference between the days that he gets seven hours of sleep compared to the days that he gets five or six hours of sleep. He gets more done, he’s better in court, and he avoids the afternoon ‘must-have-a-coffee-now’ crash.

If you get less than eight hours of sleep, try getting that much sleep for just two weeks. We can all do something for just two weeks, can’t we? See if it impacts your health and productivity. Most of the time we get less sleep because we try to accomplish more and the silly thing is that if we just slept a bit longer, it’d be easier to get those things done faster.

7. “As you evaluate an option, think about the single most important criterion for that decision, and then simply give the option a score between 0 and 100. If you rate it any lower than 90 percent, then automatically change the rating to 0 and simply reject it. This way you avoid getting caught up in indecision, or worse, getting stuck with the 60s and 70s. Think about how you’d feel if you scored a 65 on some test. Why would you deliberately choose to feel that way about an important choice in your life?”

I’ve heard this said a bunch of different ways such as, “If it isn’t a hell yeah, it’s a no,” but this single paragraph hit me right in the heart.

I have a really difficult time deciding whether or not to accept an interview request. Why? I tend to enjoy most interviews. They get me in front of an audience that doesn’t know me yet. I get to connect with the interviewer and who knows where that could lead.

But, interviews take up my time. If it’s a written interview, it can take me hours to respond to all the questions. I recently received an interview request from someone I like but it was a written interview with questions that I could spend an entire blog post answering. It would’ve taken me hours, three at best, to finish it. And, at that point in time, I had some personal stuff come up which meant I had to say no.

I’m much more likely to say yes to podcast interviews for a few reasons: 1) I don’t have to get video ready with hair and makeup all done up 2) I do well on my feet answering questions about topics I know a lot about 3) They’re the type of interviews I enjoy the most.

The next type of interview I’m more likely to say yes to is a video interview. It doesn’t usually require any prep except for doing my hair and makeup and I enjoy chatting with other creatives and seeing their faces and expressions.

But if I’m asked for a written interview, I say no 99% of the time. If it was a magazine like Artful Blogging who approached me, they would land in the 1%. Other than something like that, it’s a no because it’s too much work on my end. I could spend that time doing something for my own audience. Give me three hours and I can create a 30-minute bonus video for Sunday Society or pop in the Facebook group and do an impromptu FB Live video.

Try using this method before saying yes to anything over the next month. See how it changes your productivity and happiness.

8. “It’s not just that the boundaries have been blurred; it’s that the boundary of work has edged insidiously into family territory.”

Setting boundaries with clients, especially for those of you with service-based businesses who work closely with your clients, is critical.

I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve worked with that have said something like, “I have this client who expects me to respond to her emails within 30 minutes, drop everything on a Saturday because she wants to hop on a Skype call to discuss something even though my parents are in town, and gets frustrated when I give her feedback she doesn’t like.”

My response is always, “You need to have a discussion about boundaries. Then, you need to update your contract that includes these boundaries. This makes things easier for you but it also helps the client. It lets them know what’s acceptable and what isn’t.”

When you have a rule in your contract that says you won’t respond to client emails or calls on the weekend, but you ensure to respond by the end of the day on Monday, it lets your client know when she can expect to hear from you which is a lot better than the unknown.

It also makes it easier for you when you have to point to your contract to remind a client that you didn’t agree on the demand she’s making. Having it in writing always helps.

9. “We’ve all experienced how projects and commitments tend to expand–despite our best efforts–to fill the amount of time allotted to them.”

YES! YES! YES!

The very first time I taught at CreativeLive, I had exactly one month to prepare the entire 18 hours of content and workbook to accompany it.

What my sneaky content producer at the time didn’t tell me is that they usually give instructors at least three months–but more like six months–to prepare for a three-day course.

But, guess what? I got it done. I came prepared. My slides were done. The workbook was complete. I had practiced each segment multiple times. And, the best part is that my class was the fourth best-selling course of the year, beating out tons of courses taught by much bigger names.

If I’d been given three months instead of one, I can guarantee that I would’ve filled those three months prepping for the course. Would it have made it better?

I don’t know, but I didn’t really need any extra time. I was able to deliver in 30 days.

When you give yourself an allotted amount of time for a project, keep this in mind. We usually take all the time we give ourselves instead of ending early if we can. Where in your business could you cut out some time? Maybe you could give yourself 30 minutes instead of an hour to edit a round of photos? Maybe you could give yourself 45 minutes instead of two hours to write the rough draft of your blog post? Maybe you could give yourself two weeks instead of four weeks of research for your next project?

10. Whatever decision or challenge or crossroads you face in your life, simply ask yourself, ‘What is essential?’ Eliminate everything else.

This is definitely something I struggle with but plan to remind myself about it constantly. As soon as I unbox my new Day Designer (Squeeeeeeeeee!), I’m going to add a note at the front that says the exact statement above.

I know that if I had thought about this concept earlier, I would’ve created better content including blog posts and online courses, saved myself a lot headaches, and be closer to having a more cohesive body of work.

Those are the top 10 lessons I learned or was reminded of when reading this life-changing book (and I don’t say that lightly). Even though you’ve read this post, I promise you’ll be missing out if you don’t pick up a copy or listen to the audiobook.

Essentialism is one of those books that I know I’ll read every couple of years.

Have you read this book? What was your biggest takeaway? Are there any other books you’d recommend that have a similar feel as this one? Share in the comments below.

The Most Vulnerable (And Maybe Most Important) Blog Post I’ve Ever Published

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Yesterday, I had a doctor’s appointment at 1pm that I mentally prepared for all morning. I told myself I was going to be okay no matter what, that I could control my feelings and that I could remain calm.

Within five minutes of the visit, I was full on ugly crying. I filled tissue after tissue with mascara and snot.

My husband came to the appointment with me and his eyes filled with tears, knowing I was in agony. He stroked my arm, telling me that I was beautiful and that he loved me.

The doctor looked at me with sympathy, probably wishing she could shoot me up with valium, because the mascara running down my face made me look like I was in the middle of a mental breakdown.

She didn’t tell me I was dying. She didn’t tell me I had cancer. She didn’t give me any sort of life-changing news.

What sent me over the edge was stepping on the scale and realizing that despite eating mostly raw veggies and salads for the past month for every meal, I didn’t lose a single pound. I gained a pound.

One pound.

Not really worth sobbing over, right?

But, it wasn’t about the one pound.

I wept because I was fed up with feeling like I have no control over my health. I have to take a medication that’s made me gain over 25 pounds in three months which means I’m at a high risk of developing diabetes. For someone who’s 5’3”, that’s a lot of weight to put on in a short amount of time.

You can probably imagine how my self-esteem crumbled and hid in a corner while I looked embarrassingly at the nurse as she wrote down my weight, praying she wouldn’t say it out loud.

And, I’m scared to share this with you.

Just thinking about hitting publish makes my heart race and my palms sweat.

I could just keep taking photos at my best angles and not show much of my body, avoiding selfies on social media as much as possible. I could angle the camera down while filming videos and hope that nobody noticed.

And, it’s not just about the weight.

I don’t want you to think I’m so vain and put so much importance on a number even though I won’t lie and say it doesn’t bother me. (That’s another reason I thought about deleting this post.)

There are other terrible side effects of this medication including osteoporosis, rapid heartbeat, long-term heart damage, eroding tooth enamel and more. Every single time I take this medication, my sinuses burn like they’re on the fire, my nose bleeds the next day, and my ankles swell to three times their size if I sit for more than 30 minutes.

It sucks.

If I don’t take this medication, I’d have to live in the hospital, because I wouldn’t be able to eat or drink. It’s not one of those medications that I could get by without; however, over the long-term, it’s literally taking years off my life.

I’m telling you this because over the last few months, I’ve realized how much my thoughts control and affect me.

“Since self-image is determined by what you consistently say to yourself, you have the power to direct your self-image by directing your self-talk.” -Dr. Jason Selk and Tom Bartow, Organize Tomorrow Today

For the past few months, I’ve been telling myself that I’m ugly and unattractive and completely unsexy.

Every time my husband compliments me on my looks, I give him the wife death stare (instead of saying thank you), because he couldn’t possibly be attracted to me with this extra weight.

I had to buy new jeans, because I only had one pair that still fit. I almost donated all of my “skinny” clothes to Goodwill even though my doctors have assured me that when I get off this medication, my weight will drop pretty quickly.

While I shopped for new clothes for my new body, I wanted to find sweaters I could hide in and pants with elastic waistbands. Thank goodness, I realized something important instead.

I’ve spent way too many hours over the past few months thinking about my weight gain. And, the weight gain didn’t make me miserable–the thoughts did.

“That which you focus on expands. Focusing on the negative is essentially like fertilizing the weeds in your yard.” -Dr. Jason Selk and Tom Bartow, Organize Tomorrow Today

Throughout these months, I’ve also had some great days.

I felt pretty and attractive in some of the new clothes. Those thoughts made me feel comfortable enough to walk to Starbucks and write for hours or get a ton done during the day and then cook dinner with my husband, flirting with him by lightly spanking him with a spatula or kissing him unexpectedly.

Those good days have been a blessing in a very dark period of my life.

I’m sharing this with you for three reasons (and none are for pity because we all have tough stuff we have to deal with):

1. I haven’t done a lot of live videos even though I looooooooooove live video, because I’m afraid of what I’ll look like or if someone will say something rude to me about my weight gain (which could happen no matter what I weigh because there are terrible, unhappy people in this world).

Instead of focusing on the bad, I’m going to focus on the fact that I’m flooded with endorphins when I get to hang out with you on live video. So, you’ll see me hosting a lot more FB live videos on my business FB page. I hope you join some of them.

2. A lot of women struggle with body shame issues. No matter what size we are, we all have things we’d like to change. I’m trying to become comfortable with the way my body looks now, because there’s nothing wrong with it.

If I had a daughter, I would be ashamed with what I’d be teaching her by focusing so much on what I look like. I know she would pick up on it and think that if you gain weight, you’re less worthy. I would never want to teach girls or young women that their worth is related to the size of their bodies.

3. And, most importantly, your thoughts and attitude absolutely matter.

If you concentrate on the bad, you bring more yuckiness into your day and life.

If you concentrate on the good, you bring more radiance into your day and life.

You have so much more control than you think you do.

Since I have to take this medication that makes me gain weight, I could say, “Screw it. I’ll just eat pasta and jolly ranchers and french fries.” Or, I could keep eating healthy because those foods give me energy and fuel me to run this business I love so much and will at least help me gain as little weight as possible.

I can concentrate on the fact that the insurance board granted us a 3rd party review!

I can focus on the fact that I’m married to one of the top 100 trial attorneys in the United States (yep, he has this award) who read 150+ journal articles about my autoimmune issues and wrote an impressive 8-page letter to the insurance company on why I need this other treatment option (that would allow me to stop taking the terrible weight gain medicine) to include in our 3rd party review.

I have thoughtful doctors who also wrote letters on why I need this very expensive treatment that my insurance doesn’t want to pay for.

My mom and mother-in-law also dropped everything to write letters to include in the packet.

My whole family is behind me, ready to do anything to make my life easier.

I could be all alone. I could be trying to fight the insurance company without an attorney who wins battles with insurance companies all the time.

I have a business I love and a membership site that is growing every single day. Maybe you’ll be the new member today? (We’d love to have you!)

This third point is the most important, because it’s life changing stuff.

If you constantly complain and think about the bad stuff in your life, you’re going to remain miserable. If you start focusing on the good things, no matter how small, you’re going to have a life worth living.

It’s up to you.

What are you going to be today?

Happy or miserable.

It’s a choice.

Is it really that terrible that the barista messed up your order and you have to wait a couple extra minutes for your triple venti, half-sweet, non-fat, caramel macchiato? That’ll give you the chance to visualize your upcoming meeting and how you’re going to impress your clients so much that they sign up with you immediately.

Do you really need to huff and puff when you have to park at the back of the grocery store parking lot? That’ll give you a chance to get a bit more exercise that day. That’s a win and something you should do anyways.

Do you really need to slam the burnt casserole onto the counter, cursing at the oven? That just means you have a good reason to laugh, order pizza and watch Gilmore Girls.

You can change negative things into positive points of view–not always, but way more often than we think we can.

I’ve done myself such a disservice by focusing on the negative these past few months.

I’m done with it. I choose happiness. I choose gratitude. I choose love.

What do you choose?

Download Your Free Workbook Here

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Your Dream Life and Business Workbook

A muddy vision equals ineffective marketing results.

If you’ve ever spent hours upon hours super glued to your laptop promoting your business only to feel like you could’ve spent that time perfecting a messy fishtail braid for all the good it did, something isn’t working.

Often that something is a lack of strategy and planning. A lack of vision of what you want your business to become when it grows up.

Before I can help you create a strategic marketing plan in my upcoming CreativeLive course, Double Your Followers with Creative Marketing, that will bring in hundreds of new followers and customers, you’ve got to have a clear vision of what the dream looks like.

Is the dream sipping a cappuccino dusted with cinnamon at your local coffee shop while you plan and write each day?

Is it running a virtual team of five while traveling Europe with your all of possessions in two suitcases?

Is it spending fifty hours a week in paint-covered overalls creating custom art?

Free Workbook

In my course, I’m going to teach you how to double your online followers—your blog readers, your email subscribers, your social media followers. But, that’s not going to put money in the bank if you don’t know what to do with those followers once you’ve captured their attention.

I receive at least one email a week that goes something like:

“I only have xyz amount of time to work on marketing. What should I spend it on?”

Unfortunately, I can’t answer this question because I don’t know their vision.

Double Your Followers Workbook

I can explain this best by giving you some examples of possible business and life goals:

Goal #1: To build a web design business with 10-15 employees in which I teach them how to create our style of websites for our customers. To make seven figures each year to support myself and my employees.

Goal #2: To build a jewelry business with one assistant who can help me with administrative tasks so that I can spend most of my time on creating the jewelry. To make $7,400/month to support my business, lifestyle, pay my assistant, pay for insurance and put away some money into savings. To stop doing craft shows and figure out other places to sell my work.

Goal #3: To build a business teaching online courses and speaking at live events. To make $9,250/month to pay my minimal business bills and support my love of traveling. To never stay in one place more than a few months and travel based on speaking engagements.

Each of these entrepreneurs is going to spend their marketing time differently.

Each of their promotional strategies will include similar things like blogging, emailing their lists, updating their social media accounts, but even the details of those tasks will look different for each of them.

While the entrepreneur creating a business based on teaching online courses might use webinars to market her business and grow her following, that doesn’t make as much sense for the jewelry designer.

And, the jewelry designer might spend a good chunk of her marketing time on contacting shops she wants to get her jewelry in, which wouldn’t work for the web designer or speaker.

RSVP Bonus Workbook

The stronger your vision for your business, the easier it’ll be to construct a marketing plan that’ll work for your brand.

That’s why I’ve put together this bonus workbook specifically for Double Your Followers with Creative Marketing.

(To access it, RSVP for my course. Then, scroll down to the bottom of the page where the downloads are and click on “Your Dream Life & Business Workbook.”)

It’s a workbook to guide you through thinking about what you want your business and life to look like, how you want to spend your workdays and what you want to use the course to work towards.

As you’ll soon see, this workbook isn’t just about answering questions. Through working with hundreds of creatives, I’ve found that they do their best work when engaging their right “creative” brains.

That’s why some worksheets encourage you to draw or doodle.

If you don’t enjoy drawing, that’s okay. Use them ANY way that works best for you. Make lists, write with different colored markers or pencils, decorate the pages with washi tape.

Do whatever you need to do to start thinking creatively.

CreativeLive Workbook

You should do this work before the course begins or within the first week of the course to get the most out of it. I’ll be referring to this workbook often, giving you ways to apply your marketing to your specific dreams and goals.

All you have to do to access the workbook is click right here for my upcoming course. Then, scroll to the bottom of the page where the downloads are and click on “Your Dream Life & Business Workbook.”

Print the workbook, hunker down in your favorite comfy chair with some crafty supplies and start to uncover your dream life.

Once you’ve filled out your workbook, share some pics on social media with the hashtag #bellelive so that I can check it out.

I’d love to hear more about what your dream life and business looks like in the comments below. Share one thing that would be a dream (example: making ‘x’ amount of money each month, getting featured in ‘x’ magazine, taking a break three days a week for a hot yoga class).