“It must be nice not to have stuff to do all day. I wish I could work from home and only work a couple hours a day.”
A guy said this to me as his wife was shopping in my booth at a craft show when I sold jewelry. These weren’t strangers–they were friends.
He wasn’t trying to be mean or get me riled up. He honestly thought that I didn’t work all day like people who have “normal” jobs. He even asked me how much daytime television I watched.
This wasn’t the first time someone questioned my work ethic and I knew that it wouldn’t be the last time.
Usually, if my husband’s around, this is the point where he’ll say something like, “You wouldn’t believe how hard she works. She puts in more work hours than me.” If they know he’s a lawyer, they’re usually surprised. And, some people don’t believe him.
Those people just don’t get it.
But, what should you do when someone really close to you doesn’t get it and disses your business? That’s what I’m talking about in today’s video.
When I hear this from people it makes steam come out of my ears! Grrr. I think what you said is on point. I used to think I could do it all myself without making those connections, and that’s so not true! It would really stop me in my biz-tracks when someone dissed my business and even made me question my decision to do it. I’m learning that having a group of supportive people that ‘get it’ is so awesome for morale!
Oh yeah…having those supportive people to turn to can make a HUGE difference.
This is such a well timed video for me this week! I encountered some not so nice people making not so nice comments about my business at a craft fair this weekend. It really bothered me on the day, but I talked it out with my husband then wrote a blog post about my experience. I was inundated with positive support from my readers & followers who have all been in the same position.
Thanks for the awesome video April – loving the background too!
What?!?! I’ll kick their butts!
It’s awesome that you got so much love and support from readers and followers. It tells you that whoever those people talking crap were–they weren’t your “right” people.
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe someone thought you only worked a couple hours a day! That made me laugh out loud. You should have sent them to the blog post where you outline what you do with each hour of your day. I’m sorry that you had to deal with someone who didn’t get it. I know at my first craft show, someone came up to me and point blank asked me why some of my artwork wasn’t very good. (http://adrianawillsie.com/i-did-it-i-survived-my-very-first-craft-show) My response was just to smile, and ignore her until she went away. Thanks for the tips about talking to family members 🙂
I know! Yes, all of this just happens on it’s own. 🙂
Some people have a lot of nerve. You were able to just smile and ignore her? Oh man, you have more grace than I do!
This is my MIL anytime she asks me about how the business is going. I really think she only asks hoping I’m going to say that it sucks and I’m going to go back to a 9-5 (or for me it was 6-3). It doesn’t make me sad, even though its still a shock every time it happens but I look at her and in my best gonna snap you a z voice tell her all the awesome things that has happened since the last time she asked. I usually get a nasty look and she leaves. There’s always something positive and its my business so she can get used to the idea.
Oh no! I love that you’re able to tell her positive things and not get sucked down the rabbit hole of negativity.
Oh wow, this is such great advice! My “friends” are constantly saying things like, “I wish I could go to thrift stores all day and sit outside and draw whenever I want to like you do…” They don’t understand that basically, if I am awake, I am working! Thanks for this post!! 🙂
If they only knew…
And, what most people don’t get is it’s really hard to build your own SUCCESSFUL business and it takes a lot of time and work. You don’t get there from sitting on your butt watching daytime television!
Oh, April, the timing of this video couldn’t have been any better… I would say the vast majority of my friends and family consider what I do to be nothing more than a passing hobby and that once my daughter starts pre-school this fall, I’ll go out and get a ‘real job’. Um, no. I did the ‘real job’ thing and didn’t really enjoy being just another face in the office. So I use my skills and embroider and design and try to write and be my own boss. True, I may not be making the money I used to working at a ‘real job’, but I love what I do now. I hated doing what I did then. And that, to me, is a pretty important factor in choosing what to do for a living.
It drives me nuts that so many people who see our work think – and say to our faces – that what we do is so easy. I’ve been trying to inform people that the finished product isn’t the only thing we do – there’s so many more layers that go into that finished product they see, but they don’t care.
I wonder sometimes if it’s a bit of jealousy coming out when people criticize our business without knowing the whole story. We’ve taken that step to break away from the ‘real job’ world and start something on our own… something few of those people have tried to do.
Thanks for the video, April!
“True, I may not be making the money I used to working at a ‘real job’, but I love what I do now. I hated doing what I did then. And that, to me, is a pretty important factor in choosing what to do for a living.”
That’s a very important factor to me, too. We spend so much of our lives working. If you find something you love and you can make it work financially, it’s much better to be happy than be miserable.
Many of my good friends say to me that they’re jealous that I get to work from home and have found something that I love–but most of those friends are also supportive even though they may not understand much about what I do.
I get this from my MIL as well, but from a concern way than a nagging way. It is hard to live in a one-income-family, so I get “when the boys are in school are you going to get a job” so I politely say that I’m building my business and every once and awhile I will let her know about the awesome things that have happened in the past 3 years. Unless you are online talking about this stuff, people in the 9-5 jobs don’t know about the creative revolution and it’s a long road to get them on it 😉
Thank goodness we have a community of people and people like you!
It’s so true that many people don’t notice the creative revolution happening online.
When I first started down this path, I would tell my parents about examples of people who were successful at doing what I wanted to be doing. I kept telling them about or showing them examples, that they stopped worrying so much. And, they believed I could get there if I really wanted to–which that support was really appreciated.
Oh heavens, I have a retail space in my studio and enjoy the interaction with customers during the summer. It gives most a great appreciation of your work by seeing your tools, raw materials and works in progress. That being said I still from the odd person get horrid comments about my high prices or the all time favorite ‘I am going to get my husband to make that’..eventually you get over being taken aback, I just smile and hope they wander off to walmart. By far they do not hinder the enjoyment I receive from customers who really love the work…..My skin has thickened.
I have a painter friend who does incredible work…on her blog one day after an event she had this quote and I by no means want to offend anyone..[potty word warning]
” If you are at an Art & Craft Event, looking at a piece of art and you utter the words ‘I can make that’ you are an assho## “.
Pretty well sums it up……There are people who just do not realize that they are offensive.
Hahahahahahahaha…yes! The “I can make that” jerks don’t even realize how offensive that is to the person who made it. And, they are also not anywhere near your target market.
I love that you have a retail space in your studio and get to interact with customers who see the process and raw materials. That’s so awesome!
Thanks for the video, April! I had found a person who pinned my rock drilling tutorial and commented something like: “Now all I gotta do is buy that bit for my dremel and some cheap chain and I too can sell necklaces made with free rocks for $60, LOL”
Well, at first I was really taken aback (it happens to me all the time because I’m so nice and I assume other people are too, which isn’t always the case, obviously!) So I commented on the pin “Good luck?” just so she knew that the person she was making fun of was out there reading what she’d written. Then it occurred to me that this was an opportunity to show all my fans/friends/customers that I wasn’t afraid and that I really believed in what I made! So I posted about it in all my social networks and said something about how the lesson here is that you shouldn’t talk about people online because you never knew who might be listening.
Well, my fans/friends/customers came back with a whole LOT of encouragement and great comments. I told them all I was going to have to hire them on to write my marketing messages. It sure made me feel a whole lot better 🙂 The pinner eventually removed her snarky comment because a couple of my more enthusiastic supporters called her out on it by commenting how wonderful the necklace pictured looked, etc. So, I think she got the message, even though I didn’t need her to 🙂
I wish I could just ask some people if their mothers taught them any manners.
I just don’t understand who would do that?
You definitely don’t want to put anything online that you wouldn’t say in person OR that you don’t want people to associate with you.
I’m glad you had lots of supporters who stood up for you and made you feel better. Your work is beautiful!
When I get comments like this, I usually get pretty hurt, but that first thing you said I think is my biggest culprit. I tend to take my business really seriously, because it is so close to my heart, but when it comes time to talk about it, I clam up and act like it’s not a big deal. Which is probably causing a lot of those comments in the first place. I’ve got to get more comfortable saying what I’m doing with confidence, then I probably won’t invite those comments in so much.
My husband is my biggest backer when someone says something like that to me, also. He says the exact same thing, “She works harder than I do, and I’m the one with desk job!”
I used to do the same Rachael. I would talk about it like it’s no big deal. And, I think part of that came from not wanting to tell people my goals and then fail at it. BUT, my husband pointed out what I was doing and said that I needed to be a lot more confident when talking about my business. I didn’t even realize I was being like that–and when I started talking it about it more confidently, people started taking me seriously.
Yay for supportive husbands!
Oh my goodness! This takes me back to when I was studying design. My “friend” who was studying engineering asked me “So how is playing with paper all day going for you?” All I could do was laugh and say “Great!” I knew that this person was miserable with the choices he was making and felt the need to try and cut me down to make himself feel better about not following his own dreams. Fast forward a couple years and I have no room for negative people in my life anymore and I still love playing with paper!
Love it Tara! I’m with you–negative people aren’t worth it!
I design greeting cards and I used to get a slightly different slant on the “i could do that” with markets, with people saying “i could do that” and then trying to come up with their own greeting card ideas to others while standing in front of my stand. It generally had the opposite effect though because their ideas were often so terrible, it made me feel quite good about what I’m doing.
I hate the “I could do that” comments! Love that they made you feel good…it’s funny that when people try to copy, they usually do a much worse job and that can make you feel better!
There is nothing like being made to feel like you do nothing because your office is in your house. Yes I sit around the house all day, but I am knitting, and marketing, and shipping, and listing, and designing. Ugh, and my friend’s mom who thinks my custom golf club covers are overpriced can suck it. They are UNDERPRICED! But that is another discussion entirely.
Hahahahaha….Suck it! You tell her Tracey!
I am lucky to have a group of supportive friends – but I always hear comments at shows at my booth and others’ – I think a lot of that comes from people who would love to change out of what they are doing but do not have the courage to do so…and instead they stick with the same job that they dislike and complain about day after day, week after week,..etc…because that is what they are ‘supposed’ to do after college, get a job, and have a career..
One thing I have found is that even when I first went back to school from being in retail for my biology degree – something you would think would be a ”’oooh look, you have a real career now’ change, you are going to be a scientist”…but even that got a lot of discouraging comments when I went back and got my degree in something different when I was older – and the same people with their “why not accept what you have and just stay the way you are” popped up…change is one of the things that scare most people, but I love it! It makes life a challenge! …..so I just kept on going and did what I wanted and left those who were not supportive at the curb and continued with a more select group of supportive friends..and kept moving on…
so then, when I decided I had enough of my science career /govt job (oh the repressed memories!)and left to start my own biz, the same mental ideas were coming up from some people (not friends, but you know those bystanders who like to comment on everything)…, and it made me more sad for those commenters (vs being upset) as I just attributed it to the fact that a lot of people are truly unhappy in what they do, but do nothing to change it – but we all did!
We all have the courage to change what was not working and move on to something else new and exciting and try something different instead of staying in the same old job/career/whatever – yay for us!
This is so true Amy! Thanks for adding to the conversation.
I know plenty of people who constantly say things like, “I wish I had the confidence to start my own business doing xyz…” or “You’re so lucky! I still haven’t found what I love doing…”
I do feel extremely blessed and lucky that I enjoy what I do for a living.
me too, I think we are all lucky to be able to recognize we want more from our lives/jobs and to go for it!
April your timing on this is perfect! Just today my Mom was talking about me being “unemployed”, hello I run and make stuff for 3 shops and work much longer hours than she does. I’ve tried to explain to her how much my business means to me, but I’m pretty sure she won’t ever get it. Especially when she asks me about my pricing and tells me what glass, and art sells for at Wal-mart. The other thing that gets to me is people thinking “because I don’t have a day job” I can run errands and do stuff for them constantly. I’ve gotten to the point of just saying sorry I’ve got work, even if it does tick them off. Luckily my hubby is awesome, and stands behind what I do 100%, which is a really good thing since he is able to calm me down enough so I don’t tell people where they can kiss.
Oh man…my husband has to calm me down sometimes, too!
I hope that your mom will eventually get it, but it can take a really loooooong time for some people, especially if they don’t understand why people pay more for handmade.
I used to have lots of people that would call me during they day and would want to chat for 30 minutes or an hour. At first, I felt bad about telling them I couldn’t talk. Then I realized I wouldn’t get much done unless I did, so now, people hardly ever call during the day anymore!
Great post, I have a friend that calls and ALWAYS asks, “What are you doing?” Like I am just lounging around all day in my PJ’s….well actually I do stay in my PJ’s for most of the day…but the point is that it is insulting to think that he does not think I am working. The fact of the matter is that most creative people trying to make product, market product and sell their product work WAY more hours than someone that works at a “regular” job.
I have toughed up and now I just respond to those type of comments with a laundry list of what I am doing during a typical work day, that usually shuts them up! I also like to point out that I am actually making money!
love your Weds Words of Wisdom! especially the backgrounds!
Hahahahahaha! Gotta love that.
Yes, telling them a laundry list of what you’re doing usually does shut them up! Good tip.
I used to get people who thought because I worked at home I could run errands for them, or babysit their kids, all day or was available to chat whenever. And it used to just aggravate me to no end. But, as funny as this sounds, I discovered FourSquare and set up Uglee Little Things as a venue. The effect it had was amazing, I check in at ULT and people just “get” that I’m working, so my phone stops ringing or that I can’t run here or there for them. I might get an IM or an email asking me to get in touch when I have time, but from my close friends that’s about it.
When strangers make comments, if my hubby is around (he’s on tour A LOT these days) he is the first one to pipe up, usually telling the other person to go ahead and try to design, graph and make the things I come up with, and deal with custom orders from super picky people and he will tell them I work from the time I wake up until the time I finally fall asleep.
And as far as manners go (this is not business related, sorry) I think for the most part they are a lost art. I am heavily tattooed (not in a black line, prison tattoo sort of way) and finally got the sleeve representing my life finished yesterday & was in the bookstore killing time before picking my hubby up from the airport for a tour break when some random stranger informed me that because of my tattoos I was trashy, no one would ever take me seriously and that I had made myself minimum wage for the rest of my life! OMG! Then she smiled at her friend. And I smiled back at her and said “Thank you for your unsolicited opinion. I’ll be sure to let my rock star husband and design clients know that I am trashy and minimum wage, probably on our flight to South Africa. Have a nice day.” And that really felt good, especially when her jaw dropped and she slinked away. Strangely enough, neither me nor my other tattooed friends have EVER made minimum wage.
Sorry that was SO off topic, I just wanted to point out that having manners is now an exception, not the rule.
That’s so interesting Michele! Good tip.
Yay! Good for your husband. I love to hear that.
And, unfortunately, your story about that lady doesn’t shock me. People are soooooo quick to judge others–it’s incredibly sad to me.
But, I love hearing that you put her in her place! That put a huge smile on my face.
It’s really hurtful when people who care about you don’t support your efforts! I’m luck y enough to have an exclusive group of friends who will support me through anything and tell me what they think I could do to make it better! I do the same for them. Support is really important!!
That’s awesome Alicia! Thanks for sharing.
Hi April, I love this video! So much fun and great info!
Yes its time to believe in yourself and your talent will shine through the tough times.
I love that you are so enthusiastic and helpful.
I love the bits that your hubby makes you laugh.
Thanks for sharing so much to so many!
xo Sue
Astrachic Studio
Thank you for your post April. I recently found your blog and have been watching your videos and came upon this one. It really struck home. I started my card shop a few years ago as a hobby and for a little fun money. It grew into something I really enjoy and I am getting successful at it. My husband on the otherhand thought I was just “playing on the computer” every night after a full day of work and after feeding and getting the kids to bed.
Yes, I’m that busy.
I told him to come over and look at my numbers… look at my profits… he was surprised at how my business has grown as he really hadn’t taken much interest in it. Now he asks me all the time when he’s away working, “How is the shop doing?” or “how many orders this evening are you doing?”
He’s finally realized I’m not just playing around and I hope that it can one day be successful enough to allow me to stay home and raise my kids or at the very least give us a more comfortable lifestyle.
So thank you for sharing and giving us readers a chance to see it’s not just happening to us.