You’re already unsure and feeling kinda silly.
You’ve got this sorta crazy dream. {Well, crazy to most people who don’t really get why anyone would leave a stable job to pursue something like art or yoga or writing.}
After thinking about it for weeks or months, you tell your husband about your dream and his response is less than enthusiastic. In fact, it rivals that episode of The Gilmore Girls when Logan’s trying to impress Rory, so he barges into her class with Collin and Finn to perform that ridiculous {but pretty darn funny} skit. And, Rory is less than dazzled–she’s upset! {If you haven’t seen that episode, it’s a must-watch. Look up ‘But Not as Cute as a Pushkin’ from Season 5.}
Now, you really feel stupid. {And, you kinda want to poke out his eyeballs with a butter knife.}
The person who’s supposed to support you and love you no matter what isn’t holding up his end of the bargain. He’s making you feel awful about yourself and your dream.
Okay, maybe all he did was cringe and say something like, “How will you ever make enough money from that?” But, still! That hurt your feelings.
You want him to back you and tell you that he believes you can do it, right? I get it.
Watch today’s episode to find out how to get your apprehensive spouse on your side.
Do you have a tip to add? Please share it in the comments below!
And, before you go, I have a quick announcement. Next Wednesday, things are going to be a little different.
Instead of the weekly video you’re used to receiving, for one month, I’ll be publishing written posts. They won’t be any less awesome. {She says in a very humble tone.} I promise that they’ll continue to help you grow your creative business.
I’m taking a bit of a break from video for two reasons:
1. As many of you know, I’ve been suffering from an autoimmune disease {maybe two or three of them}. That’s as far as the specialists have gotten. It’s autoimmune for sure, but they’re still not certain which one{s} it is. Different diseases have been tossed around, but my husband and I are still trying to figure it all out. And, while I love filming these videos, it takes many extra steps to publish them. After I’ve written the script, I have to craft a background, get super-star ready, film, edit the video, and then put the post together. Whew! So, I’m going to stick to just the writing part for the next four weeks to give myself a little break.
2. I’m working on two large projects right now, and they kinda need my undivided attention. For all of you who’ve been asking for Marketing for Creatives, I’m working on the updated and revised version! And, Mayi and I are working really hard behind the scenes of Connecting the Gaps for a big reveal that we hope will be coming soon.
If you’re a regular Wednesday Wisdom viewer, I sooooooooooo appreciate you and I don’t want you to worry. On October 16th, I’ll be back on camera! And, in the meantime, you’ll still receive my weekly email packed with tips on how to take your creative business to the next level. Thanks for your understanding and support!
P.S. I taped today’s video before making this decision. That’s why I say, “I’ll see ya next week with another episode of Wednesday Wisdom.” I won’t “see” ya, but I’ll be here at the keyboard!
P.P.S. Yes, those are pages from a Pottery Barn catalog behind me.
P.P.P.S. Can you tell how much I love college football from the end of this video? Go Hokies!
I love your videos, April (and you too!), but I’m really proud of you for putting your health first and taking a break from the weekly videos. That’s awful that you have to deal with your autoimmune disease, but if anyone can find peace and strength despite an illness it’s you.
You inspire me in so many ways. When I feel like staying in bed or blowing off my work, I remember how you keep it together and act like a professional no matter what. Thank you for always being so honest too.
I can’t wait to see what you have up your sleeve for Connecting the Gaps! You and Mayi are my favorite superheros. 🙂
As for this week’s video, my husband was a bit freaked out when I said I wanted to start my own business too–haha! You’re right that I had to prove how dedicated I was and that I could actually make money doing it before he could fully support me. Good advice!
Thank you, Sage! You’re so sweet.
I love making these weekly videos, but I just need a little break in order to stockpile some energy!
We can’t wait to announce what we have up our sleeves…
I really think our husbands want to support us but they get freaked out! Showing them that we can do it alleviates stress for them and for us, too.
Hey April!
First of, I hope you are doing ok, although all of the troubles with you disease(s). As a Wednesday Wisdom fan and follower, I want you to know that of course I understand all of the reasons behind your decision to take a break from video. Hell, even if you decided you needed a break from blogging all the way, I’d be supportive cause you know what? Your health comes first.
Now, I don’t know if this video had anything to do with the e-mail I’ve sent you a couple of weeks ago, since it’s right on the subject and I never got an answer from you on it. (I know it must be impossible for you to answer all e-mails, for you surelly have a lot to do already, so I’m not upset with that) But, either t is or it is not, I got to say thank you for sharing your story and for the great advice you’ve just given us on that.
My case is a little different, for I actually don’t have a job (I’ve been unemployed since last November). But those advices also apply, and I sort of did them somehow.
Although my hubby still doesn’t really understand what I intend to accomplish with my projects (and is also affraid that it all turns out to be a failure and that he’s the one left to pick up the pieces later on…), I’ve done my best to try and explain it all to him and he supports me as best as he can. For instance, although he’s not so kind on taking photos, he didn’t mind all when I asked him to be my photographer on a session I wanted to do. Of course I made everything as simple and easy as it could be for him, but still I have to give him all the credit for doing me this favour! 😉
And when it comes to the money side of things, we sorted out some type of agreement. Since I am currently taking some classes on Quality Managment (ISO norms), I asked him if I could get a couple of months free from the crazy / desperate job search (not that there are many options here right now) and just apply to the ones that might come along and are actually interesting, to concentrate my free time on my projects. You see, until I get to the point where my projects alone are making enought money, I still need to do something else to have a steady income and I don’t object to that; in fact, I’m not even that picky about it anymore (but that’s a whole different story…).
Lastly, although I do know that there might be some days that I will have to work a bit longer on stuff for my projects, and made sure he understood that, I would never put our relationship in jeopardy due to it. I want to have a family, that’s a constant wish I have since I was a child; so to do that, I must have time for it, and right now that means my hubby alone. For instance, I planned my blog relaunch date and preparation having in mind the little vacation time we would be able to have together, so that I could do both things with my mind on the right place. (BTW, it’s happening next monday, 16th of september!!! I hope you join the party at http://patchesofbeing.blogspot.com)
To sum it up, I think that the best thing anyone going through this can do (and it’s a hard one!) is to try and put themselves on the other person shoes and then go from there. Because, as you said, perhaps if things were the other way around, we would be the ones doubting about the plans they were making…
Good luck you all!
XOXO,
Cathy 😉
PS – April, the background for today must have given you a lot of work… But it’s a really great one! 😉
Hey Cathy!
I’ve got your email in my to respond to pile. It had a little something to do with your email–but you haven’t been the only one to tell me something like that. I’ve also had a couple coaching clients recently who’ve told me that their husbands aren’t fully on board with their businesses. So, I shot this to the top of the topic list!
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be unemployed. That’s scary just in itself–and adding starting a business to it and forget it. But, it’s also a great time to try something new or work on something you’re super passionate about.
Thank you sooooooo much for sharing your story/experience here! I bet so many women can relate to it. It’s sounds like you’re finding a good balance in your relationship.
I wish you so much luck and success with your launch!
April,
thank you so much for your reply! And, of course, for wishing me luck on my little project! Oh, I’m so trilled about it! But at the very same time, I’m also ansious and a bit nervous… I still have so so much to do to be ready! And so little time to do it! OMG!!!!
XOXO
Cathy 😉
Hi April!
Just as the other’s raved, you are my hero. I soo appreciate your honesty and “keeping it real”. Please know that there are a lot of us out there to give you encouragement and support as you embark on regaining and renewing your health!
Boy, did this one speak to me! My husband is very supportive and yet sometimes I can’t help feeling a bit put off by his comments about my blogging and painting. Often I’ll misunderstand his words and place my own insecurities into them. I’ve found that by later expressing my concerns, when we’re both relaxed and talking of our day, helps to calm those doubts and insecurities that I have.
It’s also beneficial to share all the little milestones that I’ve made in creating my business. Telling him I found a great wholesale framer, balanced my books, or got in a show helps to show him that I’m serious about my work and my business. He even took me out to dinner after I sold my 1st painting!
I look forward to however you wish to communicate with us and like Kathy, would quite understand if you even had to take a break from it all. I value your advise and wisdom and will eagerly await the unveiling of all your great stuff to come!
Take Care, Dawn
P.S. I used to live in the Blacksburg area and still have family down there. Go Hokies!!:)
Thank you, Dawn! You’re too kind!
That’s a great tip: to talk about it later, once you’ve stepped away from it for a little while. I should probably take that advice. 😉
YES! Definitely share all the little milestones along the way. It makes him feel like he’s more a part of things and keeps him in the loop while showing him all the progress you’re making. I wholeheartedly agree!
I couldn’t give up blogging completely. It actually takes my mind off of things to sit in my sweats and write with a cup of herbal tea. It’s one of my favorite times of the day. But, I so appreciate your kind words!
Hi April,
I’m not sure why, but I’m having trouble with the video playing. It just says there was an issue with playback. Anyway, I’ll keep trying, it could just be a problem on my end.
I also wanted to say that I also suffer from an autoimmune disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis, which I was diagnosed with in 2011. I can understand how frustrating it is when doctors cannot figure out what is wrong, because it took about a year before I finally found out what was wrong with me. So I just wanted to say that I sympathize with you and that I wish you all the best!
I am looking forward to your written posts just as much as your videos!
All the best!
Angie
Have you tried viewing it on another server? Maybe that’s the culprit?
Oh man…from all the research I’ve done on autoimmune diseases, rheumatoid arthritis sounds painful. My mother-in-law just got diagnosed with it and it makes me so sad. I wish you all the best with it–and hope for many pain-free days for you! Thank you for your support and encouragement. I really appreciate it.
I was able to view the video finally. 🙂
Thank you, yes RA is pretty painful. Luckily the medicine that I am on now is helping a lot!
Take care!
Hi April, I didn’t know you’ve been having health problems, my sister suffers from Lupus which is an autoinmune disease, so I understand what you are going through. I’ll say my prayers for you, you can beat this, I know 🙂
Thank you so much for doing this videos for us, I always wondered why videos when you are a writer lol but I’ve been happy with them 🙂 I’ll be happy to stick by your side and read your post, I am sure they’ll be as good as your videos. But first things come first, your health! You have made the right decision and thank you again for such a great encouragement that you offer to us 🙂
God Bless,
Clemencia
PS if you happen to have any questions about Lupus (if that was the case) just send me an email I’ll be happy to answer anything I can.
Lupus is another scary one. That’s what the rheumatologists at Wake Forest thought I had, but the tests came back negative for it.
Thank you so much for your support!
I love the videos, because I get to write the scripts and a separate intro for them. Plus, they’re different than my everyday posts, so it’s a nice change. But, I definitely need a little downtime from them to get refreshed and rejuvenate.
Thank you so much for offering to answer questions that I have! That’s so kind of you. I would take you up on it if I had tested positive for Lupus…you would have an email waiting for you now… 🙂
April,
You are one of the few videos I listen to ~and today you hit upon one topic that I am so guilty of ~ I’ve even gotten snide remarks. My nose is in my laptop from morning until I go to bed and I’ve been known to give up on laundry, cleaning, cooking to pursue Pushing-Papers. I’m going to try to turn my computer off ~ I want to say before dinner ~ but then it puts me behind the next day. But I’m going to try it. Thanks for letting me realize my shortcoming.
Please feel better.
Regards,
Bee
Hey Bee! I’ve found that we take as much time as we give ourselves for each task. For instance, if I give myself thirty minutes to answer emails, I’ll answer them for thirty minutes–if I give myself an hour for the same amount of emails, I usually take that full hour because I’ve given it to myself even though I could get it done quicker.
Also, what’s the worst that could happen if you don’t check in on things after dinner? Is it really that serious? I know for me, when I started taking off weekends, I thought it would be horrible if I didn’t answer emails until Monday. Well, the world didn’t end. It didn’t really change anything except I have a more relaxing weekend. 🙂
Try it and see if you don’t adjust!
April, you are wise beyond your years to opt for a break to take care of yourself. I have suffered from several autoimmune diseases for the past 20 years, and they can wreak havoc with your life if you do not take care of yourself. I was on Prednisone for 10 years causing me to go from being thin to looking like the Goodyear Blimp. It is the best of drugs and the worst of drugs, and I urge you to be your own advocate when it comes to taking cortico-steroids and anti-inflammatory medications.
The other thing I wish I had known years ago was that I should keep moving. On the many days in the last 20 years when everything hurt except my hair and eyelashes, I just wanted to sit in a chair and not move. I was working full-time during all of this so staying in bed while appealing was not really an option. Now I know that if I had made myself walk daily, do some strength
exercises with small weights, and stretch that I would have been much better off than I am.
You and Mayi are smart, creative, and adorable. I am old enough to be your grandmother, and I am going to pray that your health improves, that you take care of yourself, and that your doctors will make the correct diagnosis and select the best and least detrimental course of treatment for you.
I have added your name to my daily prayer list, and I am going to put your name (first name only) on the prayer list at my church. There are some real prayer warriors there, and I know they will be delighted to pray for your complete healing.
Your written posts will be looked forward to by all of us who so enjoy you and your work.
Thank you, Marian! I’ve been on the Prednisone roller coaster, too–not nearly as long as you were, but I know what you mean. I avoid it whenever possible.
Walking and yoga make me feel a ton better when I can actually do either of them. One of the autoimmune diseases I have causes me to have horrible fevers and they knock me on butt. If I try to do too much, I get incredibly dizzy and feel like I might pass out. But, on the days that I can walk or do yoga, I always do because it does make a huge difference.
Thank you so much for the kind words and thoughts. I truly appreciate the support and encouragement!
I hope your video break gives you the rest you need! I will miss hearing you, but I’m just as happy to read along.
This one is very timely! I’m right there with Bee in getting the snide comments about always having my nose in the computer or “playing with my clay.” I’ve been so busy trying to show how serious I am about growing my business, I’ve been neglecting the wife side. I hate to have to go there, but your idea of setting the alarm to get up earlier may be the way to go.
Thanks Marie!
I get it–completely! In the beginning, I didn’t take a day off–including weekends–for about six months and my husband was like, “Ummm…I’d like my wife back now.” That’s when I realized it wasn’t helping me OR our relationship to be so consumed by my business. And, I’ve found that I can actually get more done in shorter amount of times than I thought I could. When you challenge yourself with limited time periods, it’s amazing what you can do.
I wish you all the best with your biz and your relationship!
Getting significant other support is something I am struggling with at this exact moment. I am quitting my job in a month and a half (I gave myself a deadline) in order to pursue my entrepreneurial adventure, yet I keep getting e-mails from my fiance that include job postings he finds that he thinks I should apply to. I told him the other day that I want to do Furnishing Functions as my full time job, and he said, “Yeah, but…” then he trailed off saying, “I don’t want to argue with you.”
This hurts my feelings so much because it feels like he doesn’t believe I can do it. I get that having a steady income is important, but so is my happiness and his support of my happiness. I’m not sure how to approach it, since before we even talked about it, he assumed it would become an argument. 🙁
Your happiness is soooooooooooo important! I actually think our significant others are afraid that if we fail or have to return to a dreaded day job, we’ll be even more unhappy–and that’s scary to them, too. And, so many businesses fail. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and that if we put everything we have into them they won’t succeed. I believe the exact opposite, but I can understand someone with a more conservative viewpoint worrying about the realities they know–that many businesses fail–and not knowing how to deal with those concerns.
Maybe try telling him that you want to have a conversation about HIS feelings without it turning into an argument. But, then you have to be open to hearing him without getting angry. It might help to get it out in the open and then you can tell him how YOU feel and why you want his support. It would give you both the opportunity to discuss it without it automatically turning into an argument.
Your hair and the background look amazing! And the video was of course great too with some very practical and thoughtful tips.
I think any changes we make in our relationships with our partners should be approached with care, love, and with their participation too.
Dropping bombs (like, “I’m going to quit my job” or even” I want to eat more healthy…”) is never the way to go because it also provokes resistance in the other person. Shaping the path towards change is the best. That book SWITCH by the Heath brothers is perfect for this!
Thanks Tabassum! You’re too kind!
Agreed…and I love that book! One of my absolute favorites–I second that recommendation.
April, sometimes is like you are reading my mind. Scary…but helpful! I want to take my hobby & successful, but small business up a notch by participating in a wholesale show next year. As we plan the future of our family…and the growing of it…I feel like this is the year. Now or never, while I have momentum in my business. Money is tight as we have been pouring into my husband’s business which is taking off. Yay! Still, it’s tough for me to bring up this step with him. I fear that he’ll say it’s not worth the money…which I will inevitably hear as I am not worth the money. Your advice for a financial plan might save me & also give me more confidence to approach him.
Best of luck in your health journey! You will be in the thoughts & prayers of many! Including me 🙂
I can completely relate to the fear of bringing it up–not knowing if you want to know what his reaction is going to be. Once you’re a little more confident, give him a chance to be supportive and if his first reaction isn’t what you were hoping for, take a deep breath and explain why you want to do it–why you think it would be good for your business and your family.
I wish you all the best and hope you get the chance to participate in that wholesale show!
Hi April
I love that you are putting your health first – so many women try to be Superwoman and then it all comes crashing down.
I am in the early stages of an auto immune disease too and know that it can be so tiring at times the diagnosis is such a hit and miss thing it seems I wish you lots of love and hope that they can sort out some treatment that helps you feel more comfortable sooner rather than later.
The worst part is that you (and I) look well and people don’t understand that inside you are so ill.
I look forward to reading your post next week.
Take care and gentle hugs (tight squeezes hurt me)
xx
Thanks Louise! I’m over playing superwoman–I gave that up a few months ago. 🙂
You’re right–people see you and think nothing is wrong or they see you on the one good day you’ve had in a couple weeks and think you’re fine. Only my closest family and friends can tell–they notice the dark circles under my eyes, the tiredness written all over my face and the paleness that creeps over me when a fever strikes.
About 90% of the time when someone finds out what I’ve been going through, they say something like, “But, you don’t look sick.”
So many women struggle with autoimmune diseases but the people around them don’t know because they look okay. It breaks my heart.
I wish you ALL the best and LOTS of healthy days!
I feel sorry for girls who don’t have their partners support. It’s so needed, especially when things go sideways. Even so, no one will get it the way you do. They may have heard of Kelly Rae Roberts (because you’ve mentioned her every time you talk about your business), but they don’t get how connected you are to what she’s achieved. How her path is inspiring yours. You have to be prepared for that. No one will be as excited and invested as you are. As long as they show up when it matters. Like my husband taking me out to waterfront restaurant in the city for a lobster lunch when I got my stamps in my hands after 14 years orpf dreaming. Like the spontaneous comments about how proud he is of what I’m trying to do and the work I’m putting in to make it happen. That’s when you know you are supported.