You know what’s not okay?
Selfishness. Full-fledged selfishness.
It makes me ANGRY. Can you tell?
Business owners who only think about themselves burn their connections, frustrate their customers and give off that snotty arrogance that nobody likes. It might take a little while, but your true jerkface colors will eventually shine through.
And, if you’re a small business (as in it’s only you or it’s you and an assistant or you and a couple of freelancers), it’s pretty darn obvious when all you care about is you.
I get it.
You’re in it to win it. (Forgive the cheeseball sayin’.) You want to succeed. You need to make money. You’re constantly thinking about how to get more customers, how to better your website, how to get more likes on Instagram and retweets on Twitter and how to get your mom to stop referring to your online jewelry store as “that little thing you do on the internet.”
But, come on. You’ve got to give, too.
I know this is a little more rant-y of a blog post than I usually publish, but a few things have happened recently that have put me in a rant kind of mood.
Think about all the other people who are working their butts off to build their businesses. Think about all the other creatives who are putting their art into the world to make it a more lovely place. Think about all of the customers who are giving you their hard-earned money.
Signs you’re being waaaaay too selfish:
You don’t give away any of your time. (For instance, I set aside about 10% of my work time for answering non-customer emails, doing interviews that I think will help other creatives, helping other people promote their stuff—usually via social media and answering questions I receive on social media. I also write and publish blog posts for free—to help my business and creatives who don’t have the money to invest in my higher priced courses.)
You don’t give a little support to someone (like tweeting about her latest product when she sent you easy-to-copy tweets) you call a friend and who has always given you and your business support.
Your Twitter feed is all self-promotional. If you haven’t re-tweeted someone else’s blog post, given a shout out to another creative entrepreneur or said something nice about someone else in the past month, what are you waiting for?
You mention someone else or someone else’s product in a blog post, but you don’t include a link. Without a link, it doesn’t really count.
You NEVER link to other people’s stuff in your blog posts because you don’t want your readers to ever leave your site. (Why don’t you just set the link to open in a new window?)
You don’t give credit where credit is due.
You steal someone else’s concept, design, photograph, illustration or copy and pretend it’s your own. (Just to clarify, I’m not talking about designing something that you actually thought of on your own and then you find out that someone else has created something that looks kinda similar. That happens. I’m talking about intentionally stealing.)
You want to steal someone else’s concept, illustration, idea, design or copy and you know it’s wrong, so you ask them if you can also use it. Or, you email them afterward, telling them that you were inspired by their work—when actually you just copied pretty much every single thing. (I’ve had this happen more than 10 times. I’m not kidding.)
You’re called out on intentionally copying and you say that “you’ve changed enough things that it’s different enough that you aren’t legally obligated to do anything about it.” (Ummmm…are you serious? How about be original? And, the last person who said that to me lost that legal battle. Take that.)
You’re mean to your customers because they have questions.
You’re rude to someone because she hasn’t actually bought from you yet.
You don’t give someone the time of day because she isn’t as “big” as you. Maybe she only has twenty followers on Twitter and five blog readers, so you ignore her. (I recently had a business treat me really bad, so I mentioned it on social media cause I was fuming. They immediately reached out to me, because they saw how many followers I had (I’m not Beyonce or anything but they were scared) and they wanted to contain the situation. That’s the only way I got their attention and I had tried calling customer service and going to the actual business to work out the issue. They didn’t pay attention to me until they thought my talking about it would impact them negatively. Then they wanted to fix it immediately. Complete selfish jerkfaces.)
You don’t say “thank you.” (Whenever a customer comes to me with an issue like she can’t download my digital book because her link isn’t active anymore, I always try to remember to thank her for buying from me first. Cause I am very thankful. Then, I fix her problem ASAP.)
You don’t ever go out of your way to help someone else succeed. When you receive that handmade purse you ordered off Etsy, take a picture and share it on Instagram. How good would that make you feel if someone did that for you? Spread the love!
You never “help” someone else unless you think something is in it for you.
This might be a tad harsh, but we all need a little wake up call every now and then, right?
I’m not saying that I’m perfect. Not by any means. Selfishness is human nature. There have been plenty of times that I’ve reminded myself to stop thinking about just me.
I’m hoping this post inspires you to do better. Give more. Think about others. And, maybe laugh a little? The word twit always cracks me up and how could you take that photo seriously?
It feels so darn good to help others and give. So why not bake that into your day or week? Start each day by doing something to help someone else.
My challenge to you (even if you haven’t been very selfish lately) is to do something for someone else right now.
Need some ideas? I’ve got you covered:
- Tweet about the helpful video you watched on YouTube yesterday.
- Say yes to an interview that might help other creative entrepreneurs.
- Take a picture of the handmade necklace you bought two weeks ago and post it on Facebook with a link to where others can buy it.
- Link to an amazing blog that you highly recommend others read in the blog post you’re currently writing.
- Write an email to someone that might need a little support and ask her if there’s anything you can do for her.
- Write an email to a blogger who inspires you, letting her know that you love her work and don’t ask for anything in return.
- Leave a thoughtful comment on a blog post that doesn’t have a single comment.
Thank you for this April. I bought your Marketing for Creatives and tweeted about it, tweeted about Bonnie Christine’s Creative Life course, Designing Surface Patterns, emailed Kari Chapin just to tell her I love her style, and emailed a few followers of mine just to say hello. Timely post.
Thanks Janet! You totally rock and made my day! 🙂
Isn’t Bonnie’s class fantastic? I’ve been watching parts, too–and decided I had to own it.
I know I’m not supposed to curse or anything, but every sentence in this post I was like F*CK YEAH. Excuse my Panamanian!
Hahahahahahahahaha…your reaction is priceless! Love ya!
My blog is all about giving. Most of the content revolves around sharing mending tips, providing links to upcycling and crafting tutorials, posting free tutorials of my own, and highlighting businesses and artists who reuse textile waste (such as clothing manufacturer off-cuts) before it hits the landfill.
I share these posts on Facebook and Twitter (just starting out there) but those platforms are also where I promote my own products as well.
I’ve had a kind of split-personality web disorder because I actually do two things: design toy and doll patterns for sale and share upcycling projects and inspiration for free. So when I read your blog I felt kind of badly because on the pattern business side, I’m not sure I’m doing so well about appreciating and sharing and I felt a bit selfish, but for sure on the upcycling side, it’s all give and that made me feel good.
Great post for self-reflection and taking stock. Thanks for having a rant.
Replying to Allison Dey Malacaria’s comment… I have a talented friend kaboogie.com who makes upcycled shoes from leather clothing. She might be s good fit for your blog. So I’m sharing some love here 😉
As to the “rant” I am soooo with you there. If only the selfish ones knew that you get back threefold what you give out, but only when it comes from the heart.
Thanks for the reminder, and some tips for helping others that I honestly hadn’t thought of.
Thanks, Sharon. I’m always on the lookout for companies to share who reuse textiles in their products. Very cool and beautiful baby booties!
I think we can all relate. There are days when I feel like all I’ve done is self-promote and then there are days when I’ve spent most of the day helping and promoting others. Sounds like you’re doing some really awesome work! Thank you so very much for everything that you do.
Oh man, I needed this kick in the pants! I have had a few bad days in a row, and I really needed to hear this. Its so sad and weird that I can get a bunch of positive reviews and grateful messages from customers, but all of those seem to fade away when I get people who complain about things that are out of my control. That had me in a bad mood, and I was totally being selfish! Thanks for getting me back to reality: I have my dream job, and I love what I get to do every day!
Don’t get too down on yourself, Tami! I do the same thing (many of us do!). I’m constantly reminding myself not to let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch if ya know what I mean!
Every once in a while we do need that kick in the pants.
Jennifer is absolutely right. What is it about us that we focus on the negative comments/emails/reviews when they’re only about 1%? I have a little tip for you. You need to create an “I’m awesome” file or something like it where you copy and paste or take screenshots every time someone says something great about you and your business. Whenever you need a little pick-me-up, read through that file. It doesn’t totally erase the crappy feeling you get when someone says something mean, but it does help!
I can totally relate to this. So many positive emails and wonderful customer interaction and then that one comes that crushes me. I am glad I am not alone.
Haha, this caught my attention when I was about to sign off. Good points. I do appreciate reading your blog, and showing it by tweeting the link 😉 I’m not currently a customer, but you’ve provided much well used advice and information online, thank you.
Pretty good blog post title, right? I thought about changing it but then I stuck with it. 🙂
Thanks for the kind words, Kila!
Definitely an attention grabber? Too bad you can’t anonymously send links to people 😉
You are SO spot on! Thanks for sharing your thoughts AND for the reminder!! Now, I’m off to buy thank you cards and a thank you gift for the 12 women in my online course. I want to show them that I appreciate them “hanging” out with me over the past 4 weeks.
You’re completely welcome! That’s awesome. Showing your customers that you appreciate them will only make them want to hang out with you even more. 🙂
Thanks for the kick in the pants. i think we all need a little reminder every now and again 🙂
So true! Thanks for reading!
Can I just say how much I love you and this post?! So much truth in it, I’m gonna share it right now xo
Awwww, thanks! Totally made me smile!
Awesome headline! I always put links to other blogs in my posts, and share stuff that I have read. Sharing is caring! It feels better to be in a community than in a competition.
You’re definitely a giver, Richelle. No doubt in my mind!
I deal with a lot of small business owners in my area being downright mean to me, because my shop is so small. They think because I’m young and not shoveling in the dough, they can mistreat me, steal from me, and cheat me left and right. I never understand why people who were in the same boat as me a few years ago would treat me like that. It’s nice to feel like someone agrees with me that small business owners and people in general should not just be out for themselves all the time.
That’s horrible and it makes me sick. I had a rule for a very long time that I’d say yes to every interview and guest post no matter if the person had one reader or one hundred thousand readers. If I didn’t get as many requests as I do, I’d still have that rule cause no one should be treated poorly due to the size of their business. I still don’t say “yes” based on size–just on what I’ve already committed to for that month.
The other thing lots of people don’t consider is that just because that person’s business is small now doesn’t mean it’s always going to be small. And, if you were nice to that person in the beginning, she/he is going to remember it!
This is awesome and I really needed this. Although I feel like I support other entrepreneurs, something is always niggling at me, like I’m not doing enough. (Like commenting on blogs, for instance!). Thanks for the great ideas and huge wake-up call 🙂
Thanks so very much for commenting here! Maybe start every day for the next week by commenting on a different blog? That could be a great way to spread a little love around.
I’ve taken the entire summer off, because of frustrations with my business, but when I saw Mayi post about this, I knew I had to come check it out….I’ve never dealt with this myself, but I’ve sat and watched business colleagues get COMPLETELY ripped off. One of them was even hijacked by a military spouse, which made me angry on a personal level…talk about giving milspouses a bad name!
It did also give me a little kick in the butt to start posting on social media when I buy something awesome…I’m the worst about doing that, but I know how awesome I’d feel if someone tweeted/Instagrammed/whatevered about one of my cowls!
Oh no! That makes me sad. I don’t want you to be frustrated! Thank you so very much for stopping by here and reading.
When someone blatantly steals from someone else, do they think it’s going to work really well? I never understand that mindset.
Yes, share the awesome stuff you buy! Plus, I love seeing those kinds of posts from the people I follow, especially if we have similar style.
You’re so welcome! I get your updates on FB too, but for some reason I saw Mayi’s first, roflol. I think I need to clean up what I get notifications on, so I’m not drowning in them!
Please don’t be sad…it’s just…a quandary…I know what I’m good at. I know what I enjoy doing. I haven’t found the sweet spot where they’re profitable…and the one that was the most profitable, was the one I hated the most. So now I’m trying to figure out if there’s any way to combine my skills into one awesome thing…or if I need pare it down more…or what…and I’m beginning to hate most of the biz FB groups I’m in, because it’s a 1000 voices, with differing opinions, none of which are my target market, and all of whom seem to think I’m a flighty moron. Mrph!
This is sooooo good!! Bloggers are so self centered these days it’s an obsession! Thanks for the kick, I appreciate! 🙂
Thanks Stephanie! The self-centeredness overwhelmed me recently. Had to write about it.
I do it all the time even when a fellow jewelry designer was “inspired” by one of my designs and played dumb about it …. Sneaky is not cool but heck it’s gonna happen. Anyway, I always help other artist and friends and promote and spread the word of their craft… I do it because I really like their stuff. It mostly because I know how difficult it can be out here. My customers do spread nice things about me but nobody else does it for me and I wish I didn’t have to bring it to them to reciprocate. Sign. Hahaa so, I would love give interviews but I haven’t been asked so how do I go about getting one? Would you like to interview me?
Finally, your email about this blog got me good hahahaha! You’re awesome. Continued success to you all.
Thanks Edith! I truly believe that the more you give, the more you’ll get in return, even if it’s not happening right now. And, sometimes you’ve gotta ask for what you want.
In the beginning, I pitched different sites that published interviews. I used to send out about one to two pitches a month and many said yes. I would start by researching sites that your target market reads and that publish interviews pretty regularly. If they don’t do interviews, they’ll probably say no. Right now, I’m not publishing any interviews but if I start again, I’ll definitely keep you in mind!
Brilliant and inspiring as ALWAYS!! Thank you!
Xxxx
Thanks!!!
Wonderful article. Thanks for sharing it. We all need to care and share and be kinder! I tweeted: Hey people — Stop Being a Selfish Twit http:// ow.ly/AjtNj Practice Kindness – it is good for business! Pls RETWEET
Thank you so very much for spreading the word about this blog post! I truly appreciate it.
I agree. Giving feels GREAT!
and I LOVE promoting other businesses that I love – I blog about others all the time in my #handmademarathon series .
Thanks for a great “rant” April.
It does!
That’s awesome. I need to check out that series–thanks for sharing!
Great post. Or should I say ANOTHER great post? I read everyone of your posts because I learn such a lot of great tips and ideas from them. Incidentally I found ‘The Unmistakeable Creative ‘ Podcast site from you and I love that too. Listen to it every night in bed.
I’m going to put a link to this post and your site on my blog and social media if that’s ok with you?
Thank you for all the hard work you put in for us ungrateful (sometimes – though we don’t mean to be!) twits….
Sue
Thanks Sue! I love The Unmistakable Creative podcast. Probably my favorite podcast.
Totally okay. Thank you very much for helping me spread the word.
Thank you for reading and commenting. It makes writing and publishing blog posts completely worth it.
Great post April!
I just love how you post about things that others may shy away from – put the issues front and centre and hopefully people that are being a bit selfish get a reminder kick in the tushie. All of us that are in creative businesses need the support of other creative entrepreneurs. We can all help others succeed and still have success ourselves. They are not mutually exclusive!
I try not to be selfish but hell, I am not perfect by any means so this is a great reminder to me too. Like you said, we all need a wake up call now and then:)
Karen
Thanks Karen! I try to blog about all topics–the happy ones and the not-so-happy ones. I like it when others talk about the stuff that isn’t all rainbows and sunshine cause there is a lot of that when you run a small business.
There is room for all of us. It’s the worst when someone is being selfish because she thinks that if she helps someone else succeed, it’ll take away from her chances of getting ahead. So not true. In fact, I believe it’s the opposite. The more you help others and give, the more you’ll get in return. 🙂
WOAH! And YES.
Off to spread a little love in the world right now, I shall come back and update!
Thank you for making me think today April.
Charlie x
Ha! Yep, definitely WOAH! 🙂
Thanks Charlie!
You’ve nailed it April and I’m definitely sharing this post. I do give shout outs often to businesses I’ve purchased at, share my fave recipes (one of yours is actually coming up soon on twitter and Facebook, I only want to add my photo of it), and lots of other things from other creative peeps or companies. Some companies share with their readers with a nice note, some don’t, but at the end of the day, I keep telling myself that my readers know a little bit more about me and what I enjoy, like, etc. It does suck when others come just for the ride. And that whole copying thing, that happened to me too. Lots of lazy people out there!
Thank you! And, thanks for sharing my recipe. I so appreciate it.
Ugh…doesn’t it suck when someone copies you intentionally? It ticks me off. Big time. I hope you were able to resolve it.
Yeah! Go April! I especially like the useage of the word ‘jerkface’.
I also like the ideas and that you always leave us with some actionable items. Going to do some of those now!
Hahahahaha…I love jerkface. One of my favorite insults. 🙂
AWESOME! So glad it inspired you to take action.
Interesting post, April, but can we look at this another way? Social media is really such a new and rapidly evolving phenomenon, not all of us get the rules yet, and even when we do, it shifts. Etiquette wise, sometimes it’s uncharted territory. I must admit, I’m guilty of some of these things you mention–but very much by accident! The rules are evolving so quickly, I don’t always know what’s considered a best practice. So, you know, flip it around, give us something like, “20 ways to share the love on-line”.
Thanks!
Hey Dina! Thanks for commenting. I’ve definitely covered some stuff on social media in previous posts on the how-tos and what not. If you click on “New? Start Here” in the navigation bar above and scroll down to the section on “I hate marketing” you’ll find some of those posts.
But, I’m not just talking about social media here. I’m talking about small business owners who only think of themselves and are only ever out to do something if they think it’s gonna help them. I’m not a fan of those businesses.
If you’re new to a social media platform and are just getting used to it, you’re not being self-centered. You’re just new. That’s not what I’m talking about here. And, if you are new, the one really good rule to remember is that any social media platform is about being social–not just about self-promotion. You can use it that way, but you probably won’t be very successful with it. If you look at ways on how you can interact with others, you’ll always be more successful on any social media platform.
I love this, April! This is one of those habits you just have to get into, and it will change the way you do everything – not just in business, but in life too.
The more often you send a thank you note, the more often you’ll realize one is warranted and send it out there too: teachers, mail carriers, affiliates, suppliers, common referrers – you name it.
Thanks for the reminder to be aware of the awesomeness of others, and share it.
xo
K
YES! A mindset shift can make all the difference. Yes! Yes! Yes! 🙂
Before I read this post, I actually shared two links with an art group I’m in. One was on passive income.
…. And because I read this post, I shared a list of blogging ideas in our blogging group 🙂
I have to say, I think people often operate from fear and that’s why they don’t share. We have to choose if we are going to operate from fear (and minimalist mindset) or from joy (and abundance mindset)
It’s pretty obvious which one is your modus operandi 🙂
Very true. Too many people come from “there’s not enough to go around” mindset and it’s harmful to them and others around them. Thank you so very much for adding to the conversation and taking the time to comment!
I totally love this. Your list is something that’s easy enough to do! I’d like to amp up my sharing of others’ work as it is. This is just perfect timing.
Yay! You definitely don’t have to do big time-sucking things to help others. Just a simple tweet can make the difference in someone’s day. I know they do for me! So glad this inspired some action. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah!!! SO right on! I gave away 2 sets of my new digital download product to 2 people that were stressed about school starting to cheer them up! (they are teachers and it’s back to school week). I admit i am bad about retweeting!! but good about re-pinning and re-b-posting
Thanks Kelly! That’s so sweet of you to give away digital downloads to cheer a couple of people up. I bet it made their days. Seriously. You rock!
Thanks for the reminder! The Universe loves an open hand. I backed a young local baker on Kickstarter and shared it on my Facebook page
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1293148263/youre-so-sweet-is-growing-fast?ref=discovery
Consequently delectable! That seems to be amazing.
Thanks for the honesty and the wise words! I guess we all need a reminder that if it weren’t for other people our own lives would be useless. Caring for others, even if for complete strangers, can bring a whole change for the better 🙂
This is a great reminder to not get caught up in the striving to the point that you forget why you are doing it in the first place. And I can say firsthand that it does feel awesome when someone posts something they bought from me on social media, not only the acknowledgement and shout out (which is awesome too!), but knowing that my customers are happy with their purchase. ps. Thanks to Anne for sharing this article on FB where I found it. Tweet Tweet.
Good read 🙂 tweeted – I must comment and share more!
Lovely blog post April. Thanks for the reminder.
Really a great post and so right.
Spot-on, April! As small business owner, I feel it’s my duty to support and promote other small businesses. I interview other makers on my blog twice a month and do a monthly feature where I highlight Etsy finds around a particular theme.
April,
I love tis post and just shared it on my facebook art page and tweeted it as well. I also shared a link on facebook for Revival Jewelry’s creations and wrote about the earrings I purchased this weekend from them.
Here is a link to their shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/RevivalJewelryStudio
They are in the process of rebranding and filling their shop. I will read the comments and to see if I get any new ideas for sharing. Thank you for always being so brave and honest with your words. Cheery Smiles your way…Laura
This is a great post! I’ve been blogging for less than a month and this advice is gold.
I’ve commented on blog posts w/o previous comments daily since starting out. I also wrote a review on a product that I had lying around the house and I didn’t get paid to review it or anything, I just genuinely love it. I posted a link to the site where I bought the product.
I plan on writing a few more reviews like that about things that I’m always telling people about anyways.
Again, Thank you for writing excellent content April.
This post is so awesome. I’ve been struggling with what type of content to put on my twitter feed, since I haven’t really been an avid twitter user. I realized that twitter would be an excellent place to share links to things I’m reading and enjoying, and retweeting useful links/content.
Recently, I blogged about my five favorite podcasts and then tagged all the podcasters on Instagram. It was seriously the best day ever to get likes and comments from all those podcasters. Sharing their good stuff and being acknowledged for it was the most awesome feeling!
I truly appreciate this post! I am a firm believer in giving to and wowing my readers and customers. I feel sad when a customer/student seems so surprised when they hear from me, receive good service and I show a genuine interest in helping them. Makes me realize that they are evidently not used to it. I like to think I treat others as I would want to be treated. So simple and obvious, right!? Recently, I made little journals and sent them to some of my customers just as a thank-you. They were so surprised and loved it. I have also recently begun using a social media scheduler to assist me is sharing content that is not my own. It is nice to be acknowledged so doing it for others makes me happy. One thing I really want to do is to be a mentor to younger women who want to do what I do. Not sure what that looks like, but am brainstorming ways to make this happen. Blessings to you, April! Thanks for all you do!!