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This is Embarrassing…

- November 9, 2016 | by April -

This is Embarrassing - Blog Post

I’ve got a really embarrassing secret to tell you that I’m only revealing because it’s important for today’s topic.

Before I get to the embarrassing part, you need some background:

Right after I finished grad school, I found myself in this weird phase of life.

For the first time in years and years, I wasn’t in school and the transition felt really strange. I no longer had professors to turn to whenever I had a question. I no longer had other students to commiserate and bond with during and between classes. I no longer had a safety net.

Within a month of my last final, I found myself riding the subway from my one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn to the Bronx to go to work at my first out-of-school job.

I was thrilled that I found a job that paid well and was in my field of study.

I worked with at-risk kids and adolescents whose parents would bring them to court to try to discard them. I know. It’s sad to think about.

One mom brought her teenage son to us, hoping that we would “take him” because every time she went grocery shopping, he would eat all the food.

I wanted to say, “Yeah. He’s a growing boy. He’s going to be hungry and eat a lot.” But, I could also see that she was drowning as a single mom to three kids.

Regardless of how frustrating the work was, I was determined to make the most of it. I had worked extremely hard to get there, and I wanted to love my work and make a difference in the world.

I was bright eyed and ready to conquer the world as many of us are right out of school.

Day after day, I’d travel for 60-90 minutes on the subway each way to work. Many days, this period of time would be filled with nail-biting anxiety.

I wondered what I would hear when I listened to my voicemail. Would one of the teenagers I was working with be in jail or in the hospital? Would I hear back a bunch of ‘no, we can’t help’ and ‘sorry, we don’t have any openings’ type of responses from different services I was trying to get for the families I worked with?

And, if it was my turn in court that day, would I be overwhelmed by frazzled mom after frazzled mom who just wanted help for their kids, knowing there wasn’t much I could do in the four weeks I was allowed to work with the families before I had to refer them on?

On a random weekend after a few months of starting my new career, I walked by the Barnes and Noble near Union Square (if you haven’t been in this bookstore and you’re a book lover and have the chance to check it out, you should—it’s enormous and lovely).

I thought about how much I used to love reading novels before the DSM and other clinical social work texts took over all of my reading time and I went inside.

I specifically remember riding up the escalator to the second floor and seeing a section for “young adults.” This is a typical section in most bookstores nowadays, but when I was a teenager, there were no young adult sections in my bookstores.

This section called to me—maybe because I worked with lots of teens or maybe because I’ve always been a teenybopper at heart. (Taylor Swift…The Vampire Diaries…blue nail polish…I’m in!)

I browsed for a while, losing myself in reading the synopses on the backs of many books. After going up and down every aisle, I noticed a table near the front of the aisles.

Here comes the embarrassing part…

The table was filled with copies of Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.

I picked it up and read the synopsis. Vampires…sounds interesting. Being in love with a vampire who thirsts for your blood…sold! I bought it and on Monday morning as I rode the subway to work, I lost myself in the story of Edward and Bella.

I know that Twilight isn’t even close to one of the best pieces of literature, but it was exactly what I needed at that time in my life: an engrossing book that would spark my love for reading fiction all over again.

Every day after that, I read on my way to and from work. It started to become my favorite part of the day.

I couldn’t wait for the subway to pull up in front of me, find a seat, plop down and pull out the book of the day. I even missed my stop a few times because I was so enthralled with the novels I was reading.

I started bringing a book with me on court days, because the only thing you could do while waiting for families to come in for help was sit there. We didn’t have a way to do much work there, because we only had a tiny room with one computer that we all had to share. Might as well read, right?

The reason I’m telling you this is because falling back into love with fiction helped me through a part of my life filled with anxiety.

If I had gone to see a therapist during those couple of years post grad school, I’m certain I would’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

My work was tough and filled with clients living real life nightmares.

Reading provided me with an outlet to release the built up anxiety and Twilight was the catalyst.

Also, reading fiction for years now has changed me as a person. I could name a very long list of books that I’ve read over the past 10 years that have helped me see life from another person’s perspective in such a soul-touching way that it’s changed my viewpoints or values or beliefs.

Reading makes me more compassionate and thoughtful and kind.

And, I’m not sure how many months or years I would’ve wasted without Twilight sparking that passion.

Reading is still one of my favorite parts of every day. When my husband and I tuck into bed for the night, I often pull a book from the stack on my nightstand, switch on my book light and read for an hour or two.

It makes me happy and helps me decompress. It allows me to get out of my own head and into a new world.

Now for the real point of this blog post.

When I’m hard on you, telling you to stop making excuses about why you can’t do x, y or z, it’s inspired by me knowing that you have something unique to offer the world.

One day, very soon or many years from now, you might create something that does for someone what Twilight did for me. You could very well change someone’s life (or many someones).

I imagine what that year after grad school would’ve been like for me if I didn’t have all of the amazing worlds of those novels to lose myself in created by people just like you.

What if your art is the thing that gives your customers a boost of happiness every time they look at it?

What if your website design changes your clients’ lives completely because they start making good money and finally get to leave their miserable day jobs?

What if your blog post is the thing that inspires women to finally improve their health this New Year, which then tacks on more years at the end of their lives to spend with their grandkids and great grandkids?

What you have to offer is important. It’s special.

I often tell people that I don’t have time for their excuses—that I don’t want to hear why they can’t make time for something or why they didn’t do something they know they need to be doing to reach their business goals.

And, a lot of times, I think people take this as me telling them that they’re lazy.

Laziness is only the issue a very small percentage of the time.

Women who work full-time jobs, have families, have spouses, have health issues (or any combination of these things) and take on entrepreneurship are often the furthest thing from lazy.

But, they still make excuses.

Usually these excuses are ground in confidence. Or, better yet, a lack of confidence.

“I didn’t send out my email newsletter this week because I didn’t think anyone would care.”

“I didn’t blog for the past three months because I didn’t have the right focus.”

“I didn’t spend time painting (even though that’s why I started my business in the first place) for the past two months, because I got lost in the day-to-day drudgery of my life.”

Or, my favorite. “I didn’t create because I spent too much time consuming what other people are creating."

You’re NOT lazy or stupid or thoughtless.

You’re human.

You wonder if anyone will really care about your art or writing or creation.

You think you should be spending time with your kids instead of building a business that may never even pay the electricity bill.

You lie awake at night wishing that you loved your day job, so you wouldn’t feel pulled in so many directions.

You wonder what it would be like to be passionate about just one thing and be able to focus all your time and energy on that thing.

You get caught up in watching Stranger Things because you’re exhausted in the evenings and you just want to relax and the next thing you know, it’s been three weeks since you’ve really done anything substantial for your business.

I get you.

And, can we all be honest for a moment and admit that it’s usually harder for us girl bosses of the world?

We’re usually the ones in charge of cleaning, taking care of the kids, running the errands—like grocery shopping and picking up prescriptions and running the kids to soccer practice.

Not always. I’m not trying to offend anyone, but often we have a lot obligations, and even with all of them, we’re trying to take care of ourselves (and families) by building businesses we love.

We want to be happy. We know that we’re better spouses and moms and friends when we’re happy and that means doing work that we care about.

This is one of the reasons that I started my membership program for female creative entrepreneurs, Sunday Society.

We all need a place to get support and encouragement—to get helpful (and nice because helpful doesn’t mean being a jerk face) feedback. To find inspiration and motivation from other women working towards similar goals.

We all need a group that keeps us accountable when we start making excuses—a group that tells us that we need to push through because we have something unique to offer that could literally change someone’s day or week or life.

Regardless of whether you ever join Sunday Society, I want you to think about this the next time you start to make excuses for why you aren’t doing the work that lights you up.

Would you still make excuses if you could see the future and in that future, read a blog post like this where someone tells you that your work changed her life?

Imagine this every time you hit a roadblock, every time someone puts you down for focusing on your passion, every time you fail. Hopefully, it’ll give you the push to keep going.

Thanks for reading this post all the way to the end and for giving me your time. I know you’re busy.

I just wanted you to hear from someone today that you’re special and whatever you have to offer the world matters.

18 Comments · Filed Under: Illustration, Sunday Society

Comments

  1. Amanda says

    November 9, 2016 at 6:45 pm

    I read Twilight when my husband and I lived and taught in China for a year. I got lonely and missed my family and reading is what kept me sane. I literally cried every single day because I missed home that much, so I don’t find it embarrassing. 🙂

    Confidence is really my struggle when it comes to business. It’s why I haven’t written a guest post yet or why I haven’t done any interviews. I’m working on a plan of action, though. I think that I’m moving closer to actually doing the things that scare me. I hope that means that 2017 will be my biggest year of growth yet.

    Thanks for the post and the reminder, April!

    Reply
  2. Heather says

    November 9, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    This is a really great post April, I appreciate you opening up and sharing with your readers. I can relate to many of the things you said, which reminds me/us as readers that we are not alone. We need to remember to have confidence in ourselves and confidence in our creations.

    Reply
  3. Shelly says

    November 9, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    OK, what I am about to say is truth. I had the Twilight series books in a box ready to sell at a flea market on the weekend. Then you go and remind me that those books were what got me back into reading a few years ago. And then you tell me I’m not lazy and that what I do and what I have to say is important! How do you know how to say the right things at just the right time? Sunday Society is truly worth every penny and I am so glad I am a part of it. Thank you again April.

    Reply
  4. Tricia says

    November 9, 2016 at 11:17 pm

    I consumed all the Twilight stories! A few of them I read in 1 night. 🙂

    I love, love reading! And I love when you share your thoughts with us, lady.

    Reply
  5. Laura says

    November 9, 2016 at 11:41 pm

    Thanks for the encouragement, April! Really appreciated this post tonight.

    Reply
  6. Sandra Hill says

    November 10, 2016 at 3:18 am

    Thank you so much for this post. I don’t feel quite so alone in my entrepreneurial endeavors when I read this.

    Reply
  7. Caela Raven says

    November 10, 2016 at 7:53 am

    Damn, you hit the mark again April – and the sore point, which for me is usually lack of confidence dressed up as various ‘legitimate’ excuses (can there be such a thing?!) Thanks for the great post and timely reminder as well as the boost :). It’s one of the reasons I signed up for Sunday Society as soon as you started it up and also why I refuse to let go of my membership despite my very sporadic involvement so far. The one excuse I refuse to listen to is that I can’t really afford it and somehow, despite my lack of confidence, some stubborn & bloody minded part of me keeps insisting that this is one of the most important things I can do for myself and my dreams and not to give up – sheesh!! Thanks for being an inspirational teacher, leader and guide April. With great dance moves, too! ☺

    Reply
  8. Rebecca Nash-Emerson says

    November 10, 2016 at 8:34 am

    Reading fiction is saving my mental health – literally!
    Also, no shame for reading Twilight. I am a huge Shakespeare fan and love reading the classics and the great works of literature but I devoured the twilight books in 3 days – yep, 4 books in 3 days. Now I recognize that when it comes to fiction – I don’t read, I devour books (the Harry Potter books didn’t even last me 2 weeks) and it’s often my favourite part of the day too,

    Reply
  9. Andrea says

    November 10, 2016 at 9:23 am

    I’ve read the post and all the comments and still can’t find what’s embarrassing. April, what’s embarrassing about anything you wrote here?

    I’m confused, but still happy that you have a nice message, perfectly tuned to many of our situations (as I could discern from the comments). I quit reading most kinds of fiction after graduating from high-school (that was seven years ago, where did the time go??) because there are so many wonderful books out there that have nothing to do with fiction (science, memoirs).

    Still, since I left my home country a month ago, I just couldn’t go on like before and was swept up with some fiction. I agree, it does provide some relief and it inspires me to keep working, maybe one day the results of my work will cheer up somebody in a similar situation.

    Reply
    • April says

      November 10, 2016 at 1:31 pm

      Hi Andrea,

      If you haven’t read Twilight, you might not understand. While I really really really enjoyed reading it, some of the material was very problematic (such as a man hundreds of years old being attracted to a teenager, stalking, possessiveness, etc.). So, it’s a tad embarrassing for me that it was the book that relit my love of fiction. I tend to not mind more problematic content in paranormal and fantasy books–but lots of people don’t agree with me. It’s why so many people make fun of Twilight–talking about the writing being bad and the content being filled with issues that most people don’t agree with. I personally don’t think it’s a bad book AT ALL but lots of people shame others for liking or loving Twilight.

      Hopefully, that clears it up for you!

      xoxo
      April

      Reply
      • Andrea says

        November 10, 2016 at 5:44 pm

        Oh, so that’s the problem. I actually like controversy and discussions about a piece of literature or a piece of art in general; it means there’s something to it, something that can be used for a greater purpose (just like J.K.Rowling did with Pottermore).

        One of my best friends in high-school loved the series and kind-of got everyone around her into the Twilight fever. She’s a great person and I never did or would judge her for what she enjoys reading. If there are people out there who judge others for enjoying a piece of fiction, at least they’re not in your target audience, right? 😉

        Reply
        • coburg kfz versicherung düsseldorf says

          February 2, 2017 at 12:40 pm

          Good Day! I am a pharmacist here in the Philippines and would like to apply for a job in Canada. I hope you can help me work there even to any position even clerical.Thank you and hoping for your kind attention on this matter.Very Truly YoursMaria Agnes L. Javate

          Reply
  10. Anja says

    November 10, 2016 at 10:23 am

    I purchased Twilight at a time when I was writing my own novel, but couldn’t go past page 20. I don’t know why. I haven’t tried to read them since. But don’t feel embarrassed by that, April.
    For me, all the cleaning and errands are a major time sucker. When I do have time to get back to work, more often than not, I just feel drained.

    Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really needed to read this today.

    Reply
    • http://www./ says

      January 18, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      raise your hand when you screamed when you saw, Kelly, Brenda and Nat ::raises hand::as an avid diehard BH 90210 girlie, i was not let down tonight!!!!

      Reply
  11. Maria Kelly says

    November 15, 2016 at 4:08 am

    In a world where you can get scalped for suggesting something against the grain or even being taken wrong because you’ve not explained yourself carefully enough, it’s really hard to commit to your piece of work. But, I agree with many of you. It’s your voice. If folks don’t appreciated your style, they can (respectfully) jog on. So, as April says, ‘no excuses’. Get started. Get on. I’m saying this to myself too, as I’M a process, an unfinished article. We’ll never stop learning. So, we might as well crack on, right?

    Reply
  12. Anja Kersten says

    November 15, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    I haven’t read the Twilight books, but I used to love reading Harry Potter, when the hype was already over again. I got so engrossed in the books, that I stayed up until 3 am in the morning even though I had to catch a very early train into London each morning to get to the School of Physical Theatre. You’re totally right and there is no time for excuses anymore. Thanks for the encouragement April! Loved reading your blog.

    Reply
  13. Barb says

    November 19, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    Thank you so much for the encouragement and for calling us out on our excuses. I have been blogging for about a year but have yet to find something that I want to sell bad enough to turn my blog into a business. I have changed the direction of my blog several times through the past year, but have decided that the fun for me was just writing about my funny, quirky, definitely silly life, it’s not exciting or even funny to everyone but I love my life, so I try and share the things that make me smile. As for turning it into a business, I can’t really think of a way to do that, so I will wait until I am struck by something that makes me excited about being an entrepreneur.

    Reply
  14. Jessica @ The Budget Savvy Bride says

    January 8, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    The way you feel about Twilight is the way I feel about Glee, so… I feel you. Great post 🙂

    Reply

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