In my first year of business, I said yes to every business opportunity that came my way.
If someone asked to interview me, I’d move my entire calendar around to make it work.
If someone asked me to guest post on her blog, I’d stay up until midnight writing and editing to get it done.
If a blogger asked me to provide a quote for an upcoming blog post, I’d drop everything and email her back my opinion on the topic.
If someone asked me to speak at a conference, I said yes despite the nausea rolling around in my stomach because I didn’t know if I was ready.
I didn’t care how big the person’s audience was, how long they’d been in business or whether I was the right fit. If I could make the time (even if that meant waking up at 4:30am), I said yes.
Because I dove in headfirst, I grew my own audience pretty quickly, and doing all of those things helped me sell out my first group coaching program six months into launching my business.
I’m grateful for each of those opportunities, but it wasn’t sustainable.
I didn’t take a single day off (including holidays) in the first six months of business and I was newly married. I remember the day my husband came to me and said, “I want to support you and your business. I’m so proud of you, but I miss my wife.”
And, I could feel the exhaustion in my bones.
When you start your business, you need to say yes to figure out what works best for your personality and brand, to grow your audience, and to connect with others in and out of your niche.
But, after a year of jumping at every opportunity, you quickly realize that strategy isn’t going to work long-term.
Not only that, but it becomes clear that every time you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no lots of other possibilities.
When you agree to write a monthly column for another blogger, you’re taking away time you could be writing a post for your own blog.
That time that you spend prepping for a speaking engagement, traveling and speaking could be spent creating and launching an ecourse.
The hour you spent answering questions for an interview could’ve been spent at a yoga class or having lunch with a friend.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t participate in blog tours or accept interview or guest posting opportunities. Making time for networking and marketing is important, but once you get past the very beginning, it’s essential that you say yes to the right things.
At this point in my business, I say no 90% of the time.
When someone asks me to advertise on my blog, it’s an automatic no (and I still get these requests pretty much daily).
When a blogger asks to interview me, I spend a few minutes checking out her website and past interviews to see if I feel like it’d be a good fit.
When someone contacts me to speak at a conference, I consider what other speaking engagements I’ve already agreed to, how much time I’d be spending on the prep and travel, and whether or not the audience is the perfect fit. Even though I love speaking and teaching, I know what works best for me and because I don’t have the travel bug (can I get a ‘what what’ from my fellow homebodies), I only accept one to three speaking opportunities each year.
As an entrepreneur, my most valuable resource is time. It took me a few years to really appreciate that.
Now that I decline most offers that pop up in my inbox, I’ve gotten comfortable with saying no.
At first, I struggled every single time.
I worried that I’d hurt the other person’s feelings or offend them. I also had that nagging feeling that maybe I’d regret saying no. What if that opportunity made a huge difference to my business?
I get it. It’s easier to say yes in the moment, but when you continue to say yes to the wrong things, you start to resent them and wish you had time to write your next ebook or walk your dogs or take that Instagram course.
That’s why I’m writing this post. Use the scripts below to say no—whether it’s to something ridiculous (like writing a sponsored post for a local mechanic when your wedding planning blog has nothing to do with cars) or something you might be up for in the future or something personal. I tried to cover it all!
You can copy and paste these scripts or you can use the basic idea and make it your own.
Saying no to people who want free stuff
1. I really appreciate your email and I know it’s not easy to reach out to someone you don’t know to ask for help. Unfortunately, I have to decline because I run a small business and every second counts. Working for free just isn’t an option. I have a package if you want to work together and you can find the details and pricing right here (insert link to sales page). If you’re not in a position to hire me, I’ve got a bunch of free resources on my blog. You can find multiple posts that’ll help you on my Start Here page (link to that page).
2. Thanks for contacting me! I’m so glad that you’re interested in _____________ (chatting with me on Skype, my website designs, etc.). I actually have a package for this. You can find it and my prices right here (add sales page link). I hope you have a great day!
3. I’m honored that you want to give away one of my custom necklaces (or whatever you sell) on your blog. Because of the time and materials, I can’t provide one for free, but if you decide to purchase one to give away, I’ll giftwrap and ship it for no extra cost.
Saying no to someone asking for trade secrets (like a list of supplies)
4. I could tell you but then I’d have to banish you to Azkaban. Just teasing…but I don’t share that information, because it’s one of my trade secrets.
5. It took me years to ______________ (find the best supplies, learn my craft, connect with the bloggers I guest post for, etc.), so I don’t share that information with anyone. I hope you can understand.
Saying no to interviews and guest posts
6. Thank you for the invite! Unfortunately, my calendar is booked for the next few months. If you’d like to contact me again in _______________ (month you might be available), we might be able to set something up. Thanks again for thinking of me.
7. I appreciate the invitation, but I’m overbooked with my _____________ (upcoming launch, book edits, prep for a speaking engagement, upcoming line of jewelry, etc.) and I promised my hubby that any spare time will go towards a date night. Thanks for thinking of me!
8. Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I’m not sure that I’m the right fit for __________________ (your podcast, this guest post topic, etc.). I wish you all the best!
Saying no to speaking engagements
9. Your event looks like a blast, but I only accept three speaking engagements per year and I’m currently booked for this year. If you want to check back with me when you’re planning for next year, I’ll lookout for your email.
10. Thank you so much for the invitation to speak at _______________ (name of conference), but I’m currently booked. I hope your event is a complete success!
Saying no to advertising or sponsored posts
11. I don’t advertise on ____________ (name of your website). I hope you have a great day!
12. My audience isn’t the right fit for ____________________ (whatever they want you to advertise). I hope you have a great day!
13. Since my blog is all about ______________ (whatever you blog about), I don’t think advertising ______________ (recliner chairs or whatever product they want you to advertise) makes any sense. (I realize this one is harsh…but come on people! Do a little research before emailing.)
Saying no to affiliate offers
14. Your _____________ (ecourse, launch, video series, etc) looks amazing. Congrats! I appreciate the invitation to be one of your affiliates, but I don’t join any affiliate programs. If you’d like to send me some tweets that I can copy and paste, I’d be happy to spread the word on social media—no incentives necessary!
15. Thanks for the invite, but this isn’t the right fit for my audience. I wish you all the best with your launch.
16. Affiliate programs aren’t really my jam but thanks for thinking of me. Congrats on your launch!
17. I appreciate the offer, but I’m completely booked with all of the affiliate programs I feel comfortable joining at the moment. If something changes, I’ll email you.
Saying no to someone wanting you to share her stuff (like blog posts or infographics)
18. This isn’t the right fit for my audience, but I wish you all the best.
19. Thanks for reaching out to me. While your infographic looks really cool, I don’t include other people’s infographics on my blog or in my emails. My visuals are a part of my brand so I only use my own. But, I couldn’t help but pin it and tweet about it. Thanks for sharing it with me.
20. I only share people’s content when I find it myself and know that my audience will love it. I’m sure your ______________ (blog post, infographic, etc.) is great and I’ll add it to my list of things to check out when I have a chance. If it’s the right fit, I’ll share it on social media. I hope you have a lovely day!
Saying no to a good friend who also runs a business
21. You know I adore you, right? And, I’m super flattered that you want me to design your website for you (or whatever she wants you to do). When we pair up, we do have a lot of fun and I’m so happy we can share business-y stories. I’m going to have to say no to this, because I feel like your style would be a better match with another designer (be honest but kind). I can recommend a handful of designers that I think you’d love (give a suggestion that works for the situation). We need to catch up soon. Skype date?
Saying no to friends and family
22. I can’t _______________ (go grocery shopping, talk on the phone, go get a manicure) during the workday. Even though I work from home, I keep strict hours. If you’d like to ______________ (go grocery shopping, talk on the phone, go get a manicure) after 6 or this weekend, I’m in.
23. I wish I would’ve known about ______________ (your bridal shower, your open house, etc.) sooner. I’ve already got something scheduled. Maybe we could grab a drink next month—just the two of us—and celebrate?!
24. Girl, please. Ain’t nobody got time for book club (or insert activity that applies).
25. I know I haven’t been able to spend a lot of time with you lately. This ____________ (launch, book, new line of knitting of patterns, etc.) is gobbling up all of my time. I seriously appreciate your support and patience and as soon as I’m done, we can spend an entire day doing anything you want.
26. Potluck dinners (or whatever activity you aren’t into) aren’t really my thing, but I’d love to grab brunch with you next week. I miss you and seriously need to know who you’re rooting for on Dancing with the Stars.
27. Mom, no. I love you.
Saying no to that rude family member that makes you want to poke out your own eyeballs when you have to spend more than 15 minutes with her/him
28. Sorry. *White Noise* You’re cutting out. *White Noise* The house is going through a tunnel. *Hang up* (If you know where this is from, you get eighty-seven million bonus points.)
When you say no to someone, no matter the situation, it’s best to: express gratitude, keep it short while telling them why you’re declining, and offer alternatives if that’s an option.
If you want to run a successful business, you’ve got to get comfortable saying no.
It’s integral to preserve your energy and focus your time on your priorities (like making money honey!).
:: Love :: Thank you so much!!
YAY! You’re very welcome!
What a sad way to live. So consumed by making money via your business that you value it above all human beings, even your family. Hope you wake up before it’s too late.
Boundaries are important. <3 I guess you haven't experienced that, yet, Kevin.
You are amazing! And #27 is my favorite LOL
Hahahaha…what’s funny is that #27 was my husband’s contribution to this post. 🙂
and…. Gilmore Girls …. My other favorite is when Lorelai pretends to leave a message on Emily’s phone when Emily has answered and she keeps saying “Lorelai, I’m here”
PS – How excited are you that Melissa announced on Ellen she’s in for the Netflix mini movies!!! EEKS
I love that one, too!!!!!! Lorelai’s relationship with her mother is hilarious.
P.S. Sooooooooooo excited! I can’t wait.
Hello April,
Thank you so much for this list. I always get surprised by how difficult it is to say no, especially to family members and it makes me feel terrible when I have to. I don’t hesitate as much with other requests, I’ve learned to value my time and my work so I don’t give it away for free. I did too much of that when I was younger and promised myself to not do it ever again.
A little off topic, looking forward to see the new Gilmore Girls season 😉
That’s awesome that you’ve learned to value your time. Lots of creatives have trouble with that one–I did for a while. It was actually easier for me to say no to family and friends than it was for me to say no to colleagues and business opportunities.
I’m soooooo looking forward to the new Gilmore Girls! I’ve got my popcorn ready!
Thanks April! For a long time I was a guest blogger & project designer for several craft websites. I also taught classes that people wanted to take (but I didn’t enjoy teaching) and sold jewelry that people wanted to buy (but I didn’t enjoy making). I was really good at all of it but when I realized my passion was for art and not design or crafts I went cold turkey and quit all of the above. ISo far I haven’t been making as much money but it was a really clear decision and I’m really happy I made it. My art has gotten so much stronger!
Congrats on switching gears! It can be really tough to give up a solid stream of income even when you’re not enjoying it. I’ve been in that position as well but it’s always worth it, especially if it’s for your own business. We create our own businesses so we should be happy with them. 🙂
For those social situations, I learned a long time ago that you can simply say, “Thank you so much, but I have other plans.” Even if “other plans” means you want to sit alone and read or listen to the birds for a bit. Although I have had people question that. Like they’ll say, “What other plans?” Then it gets a little sticky.
I love “even if other plans means you want to sit alone and read or listen to the birds.” YES!
Thanks for this very helpful post, April! You are so right about the fact that we all need to recognize when and how to say “no.” I was raised to make everyone happy even when it meant compromising my own time, opportunities, or values and I have learned as an entrepreneur…”ain’t nobody got time for that!!” I love #24 too;) I keep telling my book club friends, “maybe I’ll have time next month” when I really should just be honest and clear. Thanks for the pep talk!!
Thanks for reading and commenting, Bonnie! Yes…ain’t nobody got time for that! I love giving pep talks….you can count on me for that. 🙂
Number 22 is a CONSTANT BATTLE!!! Oh my gosh. Now neighbors have started dropping in on me. *groan* I have to get better at wrapping things up when people do this. I lost 3 full days in the past two days due to neighborhood drama. And I don’t have that kind of time to lose right now.
Yeah Book Club. I’ve been invited. And I’m always like, “Well I would like to hang out with you all, but I’ll just bring my knitting.” My actual knitting time is so very limited right now, that I’m extremely protective of that time.
I would definitely tell my neighbors that they can’t stop by between such and such hours. I’m not a ‘friends with my neighbors’ kind of person so that doesn’t happen to me but if it did, I’d have to put a stop to it.
Good for you for being protective of your knitting time. You could always listen to the book for that month on audible while knitting. 🙂
That’s funny, April! Me either!! LOl Lololololol
Oh, my word!! I just started watching Gilmore Girls a couple weeks ago. I saw it on Netflix and decided to go for it because you love it so much April! I devoured the first season, and I can’t wait to get to the next one! I think if you every time I watch it, and I’ve even thought, “Hey! April makes that (Lorelai) face,” before! Thanks for this great list. I need to print it and keep it handy these days. I need #13 a lot unfortunately.
Isn’t it the best?!?!? I’ve watched every season like 10 times. I can’t help myself–it’s my go-to when I need a pick-me-up.
Don’t you get frustrated by people who obviously have no idea what you even talk about on your website who want to advertise something completely unrelated? It twists my knickers. 🙂
Well, I have to say: you speak straight to my heart (and mind)! I thought you should kniw I’m printing this and posting it up there on my memory board so I always remember to say NO from time to time! Thanks, April!
YAY! Glad to hear it.
Go Maria! Go Maria!
Thank you April. This is so great! It helps me already! Gorgeous!
I’m so glad! Thanks for commenting to let me know.
Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!
These are really good ‘saying no’ tips!
Thanks for the great share
Thanks for reading! I’m so glad you found them helpful.
I need this so badly, I’m a chronic over-committer!
The hardest thing for me was to say no to being a backup speaker on a really big, important conference this summer. I was happy to have been even considered among the 200 applications they’ve received, but I realized it would require some sacrifices, money I’d rather invest in a non-working vacation, and besides, and preparation for the talk that might not even happen. It took me a few days to think it through.
I used to be a chronic over-commiter. I feel ya!
Sounds like a good decision. A hard one for sure but a good one in the long run. 🙂
Wow, that’s amazing how life brings the things I need at the right time! Yesterday I put a post-it note on my wall with a blog post idea “3 magic phrases that will change your life: ‘no’, ‘I don’t want to’ and ‘it doesn’t suit me’. And today I have a 28 ways to say no in my email! My favorite is about Azkaban!
Thank you for this post!
YAY! I’m so glad this came at the right time for you. My friend Mayi always says that the universe provides what you need if you’re open to it. This is a great example of that. 🙂
Thank you, thank you!
Number 22 was definitely the one that spoke to me!
I had to use #22 so often when I first started my business. My friends and family thought working from home equaled the person to call/ask to do stuff for them/ask to do stuff with them during the day.
I love this and needed it literally yesterday as I was saying no to something i wanted to do but really really wasn’t a good fit. Thank you for these for next time.
I know it can be tough to say no to something like that! Good for you that you made the hard (but right) decision. Thanks for sharing!
I loved this! Thank you so much! Maybe you could write a followup post some time about how you say “NO” to yourself! You know when you think, I could do this..and this… ooh and that! But obviously you CAN’T do all those things, because as you said “Girl, ain’t nobody got time for that!” But evaluating the whats and whos can be difficult! xx
Yes…that’s a good follow-up post idea. It can definitely be hard to say no to things that you really want to do. I have to make those decisions often because I say no to 90% of the offers I get and lots of them tend to be something that sounds fun. I’ll think on this! Thanks for the idea and recommendation.
I’m slowly learning to say no and trying to make my yes less automatic. As an overachieving people pleaser this is definitely hard.
But for every no I learn that it’s okay. I haven’t had anyone be upset with me, be disappointed, or be put in a tough spot. Sometimes when you’re used to being the automatic yes you assume that people need you, that they’ll be let down if you don’t help them, and you’re putting them in a bad spot.
But more often than not when I say no (or not right now, or maybe later) I get a lot of respect. Women especially understand overwhelm. They don’t want to be part of piling too many things onto someone else. Sometimes you just have to be honest and say that you don’t have the bandwidth.
The best part is when your no inspires someone else to step back and reevaluate what they’re automatically saying yes to. 🙂
Thanks for sharing, Sarah! It’s great to ‘hear from you.’
I agree that the best part can be when you inspire other people to reevaluate what they’re saying yes to and what they should do less of. 🙂
I LOVE this post April. Thanks for the tips.
Dealing with family members resonated the most for me.
Out of interest…how would you deal with a relative that just ‘pops round to see if you were in’? (I just wish they’d call first. And yes, I have dropped hints 😉 )
Thanks
Claire
Nice. I’m using some of these scripts. Sound really effective.
Saying no to friends and family during the work day is a big one that I need help in! Thanks so much, April, for compiling this list. I needed this in a bad way.
<3
What a great list! I’m posting a copy near my work space for daily reference. BTW- can I interview you on Tuesday about culinary trends in Phoenix? j/k. Lol.